Why is almost all communication coaching almost worse than useless?

Because most of it just makes people think about all the stuff that they're doing wrong,

and it's overly general. So I often tell people, you can tell when coaching is not helpful to you

with three stages. The first is thought suppression. So that's like, don't talk too fast. Okay. The second is a general

piece of advice that is completely unactionable because it's so general, which is like, just slow down.

And then the third thing is, it's a mental reminder for what is often a physical activity.

And the thing that people don't really comprehend about speaking is it's a deeply physical art form. We turn air into sound and then sound into words with our bodies.

It takes 120 muscles more actually to do this everyday miracle of creating words from just air.

It's physical.

You're listening to Mind Love with me, Melissa Monty.

So you would never give someone mental advice about some other deeply physical thing. And so you

get mental advice, which is like, remember to breathe. And that whole mixture, the thought suppression,

the general advice, and the mental reminder for what is a physical activity tends to just make

people focus more on themselves and all the stuff that they're doing wrong, and it gets

counterproductive for people.

So that's why you named your book, don't say um, because I was like, now all I want to say

is um, this is going to be the most um-ridden podcast of my entire life.

Well, one of the terrible unintended consequences, and I absolutely mean this, the unintended consequence

of naming the book what I did is that everyone who talks to me becomes wickedly self-conscious

right away. And I always say, like, I'm not scoring you right now. I'm not keeping a scorecard

of how you're speaking. But the title has worked insofar as it does arouse people's curiosity. It's a bestseller

and I think a big reason why it is, and that's not to brag about me or the title, I think it's

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