You’re Responsible Too

The Daily Dad

Daily Dad

Society & Culture, Dads, Relationships, Parenting, Self-improvement, Kids & Family, Ryan Holiday, Wisdom, Education, Fatherhood

4.8 • 602 Ratings

🗓️ 19 December 2023

⏱️ 5 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Each of us is responsible for what we do as parents, but we’re also responsible for the dynamic that exists in our homes and in our relationships. Just because you’re the nice one, just because you do the repairing, just because you’re not as hard on your kids—that doesn’t mean that you’re not complicit in the stress or strain that’s being inflicted.

It’s our job to create a safe and loving and supportive home. We can’t make excuses—Oh, he’s just under stress at work. Oh, that’s what she learned growing up.

And this pertains to more than just punishment. It’s our job to get on the same pages as our spouse, our co-parent, their step-parent, our ex, whatever, and figure out how to do this right. If we’re struggling, if we sense something’s wrong? Well, we can’t deny it.

We can’t make excuses for it. We can’t just leave our children to fend for themselves with it. Because what they’ll end up doing is blaming themselves…and eventually, inevitably, you too.

For those tired of making excuses, we announced last week the 2024 New Year New You challenge. This set of 21 actionable challenges—presented one per day, built around the most timeless wisdom in Stoic philosophy—is really a set of 21 choices. Every morning, the email arrives in your inbox, and you have to choose. Will you take the easy way or the hard way? Will you read the email and leave it at that or will you take on the challenge? Will you get better this year?

That’s the question. That’s the choice. That’s the responsibility you can accept.

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Transcript

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0:00.0	Welcome to the Daily Dad podcast where we provide one lesson every single day to help you with your most important job, being a parent.
0:15.6	I'm Ryan Holiday, and I draw these lessons from ancient philosophy, modern psychology, practical wisdom, and insights
0:24.0	from parents just like you all over the world. Thank you for listening, and we hope this helps.
0:32.8	You're responsible too. Not all of us are in the marriage we dream of. Not all of us are paired with the
0:39.2	perfect partner. We don't always agree with the decisions our co-parents make. Certainly this was
0:44.7	even more true of past generations. Perhaps your own parents were not exactly right for each other.
0:49.7	Perhaps one of them was a better parent than the other. But guess what? We're still responsible for what
0:55.9	happens in our houses. We talked about the writer Adam Hosschild's beautiful book, Half the Way Home,
1:01.5	and some of the troubles he had with his father, and his mother who understood how sensitive
1:06.3	her boy was but never seemed to take his side over his father's. We've been talking about Rinker Buck,
1:14.8	who also has a wonderful book. His father was a strict disciplinarian in his house growing up.
1:20.6	It was his dad who wielded the belt, but his mother was not so innocent in the matter.
1:25.6	After all, she was the one who tallied up the rather silly
1:28.5	offenses and handed them over to her husband when he got home. Only later did she come to regret her
1:34.8	role in this, come to realize her complicity. Rinker, I'm sorry, his mother said as she was dying.
1:41.8	I wanted to say that to you so many times. I knew perfectly well
1:45.3	the time where you learned to say that word. You learned that word from daddy down in the barn.
1:51.2	Runker didn't seem to hold any grudges, but many children would have, and rightfully so.
1:57.4	Each of us is responsible for what we do as parents, but we're also responsible for the dynamic that
2:03.4	exists in our homes and in our relationships. Just because you're the nice one, just because you do
2:08.6	the repairing, just because you're not as hard on your kids, that doesn't mean you're not complicit
2:13.6	in the stress or strain that's being inflicted. It's our job to create a safe and loving
	...

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