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Relationship Advice

‘You Can’t Do This’ Is NOT A Boundary

Relationship Advice

Colter Bloxom

Relationships, Society & Culture, Health & Fitness, Mental Health

4.41.7K Ratings

🗓️ 28 May 2026

⏱️ 45 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

If there is one thing to know about boundaries, it is that a boundary is not about what you need somebody else to do. It is about what you are going to do in response to somebody else’s behavior. Colter, Cayla, and Lauren discuss boundaries from a psychotherapeutic lens and give tools for how to better communicate boundaries. Main Talking Points:  Our bodies are the indicator for when we need to set boundaries. Boundaries exist on a continuum, not as binary bookends. Communication of boundaries should be specific to the prioritized need. We should approach boundaries with grace, generosity, and curiosity. Give Me Discounts! Kiwi Fodzyme - Get 30% off your first order! Rythm - Get 15% off your first month + free shipping! Tanasi - Use code “relationship" for 25% off your first order! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Attention all passengers. The Uber ride for Mark and Jamal's romantic weekend will depart in four minutes from Platform 6. Your ride comes with a rolling countryside sunset view and a table seat, ideal for playing footsie beneath. Thank you for booking your tickets on Uber.

0:20.0

Trains on Uber.

0:30.7

As a therapist, I often find myself in little conversations about relationships, mental health, so on and so forth.

0:35.7

And I found myself in the middle of one of those the other day. I was chatting with a friend and she was telling me about how her husband had been

0:38.0

speaking to her lately, which sounded demeaning and passive-aggressive. As she described more

0:44.1

of the problem, her eyes lit up as she prepared me for the newest revelation she had.

0:50.3

She told me about some of the progress she's made in her own therapeutic journey and was so excited to be learning about the idea of boundaries.

0:57.9

They're essential for good communication and good relationships, so I was excited to hear this as well.

1:03.0

She went on to tell me, I'm so proud of myself.

1:06.6

I realized that this is a boundaries issue and the way he was talking to me was not okay.

1:12.4

And then I realized he'll never know my boundary if I don't communicate it with him.

1:17.2

So I just told him.

1:18.7

I told him you are not allowed to speak to me like that anymore.

1:23.9

It seemed like a real mic drop moment.

1:27.2

Except the mic was about to gather a little bit of feedback.

1:30.8

That's great, I told her.

1:32.4

You used your voice and you're right,

1:34.5

that the way he's speaking to you needs to change and you're right,

1:38.1

that he's not going to know what you're thinking unless you've verbally communicated to him.

1:42.9

But what you're wrong about is that what you said

1:45.9

is not a boundary.

1:57.1

Hello and welcome to relationship advice. My name is Coulter Bloxham. I am one of your

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