You Can Have Control, or Love...Pick One

The Virtual Couch

Tony Overbay LMFT

Education, Mental Health, Health & Fitness, Self-improvement

5 • 643 Ratings

🗓️ 6 July 2021

⏱️ 48 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In adult relationships, you can have control or love, but not both. In today’s episode, Tony takes a look at the concept of control. While control may be biologically hardwired for survival, it doesn’t mean that it is best when dealing with human emotion. In Tony’s example of how a conductor controls an orchestra, he refers to the article “What does a maestro do,” from https://www.jacksonsymphony.org/what-does-a-maestro-do/ and he briefly mentions the article “Born for Control” https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2944661/ as well as “Why Controlling Others Creates Conflict” https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/why_losing_control_make_you_happier This episode of The Virtual Couch is sponsored by http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch (http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch) With the continuing “sheltering” rules that are spreading across the country PLEASE do not think that you can’t continue or begin therapy now. http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch (http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch) can put you quickly in touch with licensed mental health professionals who can meet through text, email, or videoconference often as soon as 24-48 hours. And if you use the link http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch (http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch) you will receive 10% off your first month of services. Please make your own mental health a priority, http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch (http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch)offers affordable counseling, and they even have sliding scale options if your budget is tight. Tony's FREE parenting course, “Tips For Parenting Positively Even In the Not So Positive Times” is available NOW. Just go to https://www.tonyoverbay.com/courses-2/ (https://www.tonyoverbay.com/courses-2/)and sign up today. This course will help you understand why it can be so difficult to communicate with and understand your children. You’ll learn how to keep your buttons hidden, how to genuinely give praise that will truly build inner wealth in your child, teen, or even in your adult children, and you’ll learn how to move from being “the punisher” to being someone your children will want to go to when they need help.Tony's new best-selling book "He's a Porn Addict...Now What? An Expert and a Former Addict Answer Your Questions" is now available on Kindle. https://amzn.to/38mauBoTony Overbay, is the co-author of "He's a Porn Addict...Now What? An Expert and a Former Addict Answer Your Questions" now available on Amazon https://amzn.to/33fk0U4 (https://amzn.to/33fk0U4). The book debuted in the number 1 spot in the Sexual Health Recovery category and remains there as the time of this record. The book has received numerous positive reviews from professionals in the mental health and recovery fields.You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program The Path Back by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com (http://pathbackrecovery.com) And visit http://tonyoverbay.com (http://tonyoverbay.com) and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs, and podcasts.Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good!

Transcript

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0:00.0	So do you know the difference between a maestro and a conductor?
0:03.8	According to the website, jackson symphony.org, they are one in the same.
0:07.9	Ultimately, each language has a different term.
0:10.1	So in Italian, you may have a maestro, and in English, you are more likely to find a conductor.
0:15.5	So a conductor leading an orchestra.
0:17.4	So what does a conductor or a maestro do?
0:20.5	Well, that's a good question. Dr. Matthew
0:22.5	Albin, who is the music director for the Jackson Symphony Orchestra, shares the following.
0:27.9	Approximately one year before the orchestra performs a concert, I select the music, and often I use a theme
0:33.5	to help provide unity. I choose soloists to perform with the orchestra. And two months before the
0:38.4	concert, I begin to study. I sing the music. I played on the piano and sometimes I listen to
0:43.2	recordings. I try to develop an interpretation. The composer notates many things in the score,
0:48.9	but there are so many other choices that he needs to make. So for example, if both the trumpet
0:53.2	and the violins
0:54.2	have the melody, he may ask the violins to listen back to the trumpet because he wants that
0:58.3	sound to be the dominant voice. And sometimes he says he makes additional markings in the music
1:02.7	ahead of time so that we can say valuable rehearsal time. And then many people are astonished
1:08.4	to learn that the orchestra only rehearses during the three nights before the concert for approximately two and half hours.
1:14.5	But during the rehearsal and the performance, he says that he is trying to use his gestures and his facial expressions so that the music sounds like the interpretation that he has developed in advance.
1:25.5	Sometimes he says he stops and he makes verbal suggestions,
1:28.2	and it's essential to note where the conductor stands.
1:30.6	He says he stands out in front of the orchestra
	...

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