I'm Christopher Titus and I'm Rachel Bradley and this is the Armageddon update

2023 what a hell of a year people we We started with amazing news in January. The

doomsday clock which says how close we are to Armageddon was set to 90 seconds to

midnight which is the closest it's been since its creation in 1947. So enjoy this update because I want to have to do the last one.

You'll just get it.

Ozzy Osbourne announced his retirement from touring in February.

In an interview he said,

It's not like, it would fucking give me a DVD,

if you have to eat other things,

I want to get that, it would be.

Any rock star that's toured with a constant brain bleed has all of my respect.

In February people the FBI finally acknowledged they believed COVID

originated in a lab in Wuhan China.

Yeah, that it wasn't a bat giving oral to a Beijing porcupine.

So we were attacked with a virus from another country,

but we aren't going to do anything about that because we all like cheap

TVs from Walmart. For the most part, however, it was a case of Braun over Brain.

Vinyl Records outsold CDs for the first time since 1987.

We all started throwing accents for the first time since 1887.

And Ozimpeck gave every real housewife a weight equal to her IQ of 87.

The International Criminal Court has finally issued a warrant for Vladimir Putin.

Yeah, so Vladimir Putin was arrested and imprisoned, I'm kidding, we can't even

...