XYBM Clips: This is why control is so important for Black men
Express Yourself Black Man
Kizzle
5.0 • 556 Ratings
🗓️ 13 January 2026
⏱️ 11 minutes
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Summary
In XYBM 147, I sit down with Jason Phillips, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, for a raw and honest conversation about what it truly means to be a Black man in today’s world.
We unpack the emotional weight many Black men carry — from understanding and expressing emotions, to healing from past trauma and relationships. We also challenge common misconceptions around rest, productivity, and success, while offering practical guidance for Black men navigating depression, low confidence, and burnout.
This episode is for any brother trying to heal, grow, and give himself permission to slow down without guilt. Tune in on all podcast streaming platforms, including YouTube.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | You can be great in so many different areas. |
| 0:22.3 | And what ends up happening is you have control over that. So if you put yourself through school or you're grinding, graduated with honors probably, like, talk with a class. Yeah, yeah, you're right. You, you get the club, you know, the presidents, all these clubs and all these things. Not that, but good, it's okay. You have some accolades there, and you have control over that. |
| 0:25.9 | Let me study, study, study, aces test. |
| 0:28.0 | You know, people are going to applaud me. |
| 0:29.3 | I feel good about it. |
| 0:31.0 | But what about my emotions? |
| 0:35.1 | I don't know how to control that, but I know how to control these outcomes. |
| 0:40.0 | So we put our energy into the things that we feel like we can control. |
| 0:43.4 | And why is control so important for black men? |
| 0:45.5 | Because who wants to be out of control? |
| 0:47.6 | Who was to not have control? |
| 0:51.2 | If you don't have control, that's where the fear can set in. |
| 0:53.6 | The anxiety can creep in. |
| 0:57.7 | The unknown. And that can be really scary for us. |
| 1:01.6 | But man, we really don't use that term, but that's what we're feeling. |
| 1:04.6 | Like, I'm afraid of what can happen. |
| 1:06.9 | So let me just focus on what I can control. Why do we associate control with peace? |
| 1:23.6 | Because, and I'm asking you that question, because one of the things that I also dealt with when I was in college was I was very controlling in my relationship. I didn't even realize I was being controlling. |
| 1:25.6 | I thought I'm just being a protector. Right. That's what we're |
| 1:28.8 | telling ourselves, right? Right. This is what you tell ourselves, man, I'm on to y'all. I'm on to y'all. Stop lying to |
| 1:37.1 | yourself, brother. You say you being protective, but you really just being controlling and you're |
| 1:43.0 | confusing the two and you can't lie to me |
... |
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