Would You Date YOU? (w/ Relationship Therapist Esther Perel)
Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer
Headgum & Nicole Byer
4.9 • 16K Ratings
🗓️ 22 May 2026
⏱️ 72 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
World famous relationship therapist Esther Perel has been studying relationships for over 40 years. She joins Nicole to share the most common problems couples seek therapy for, the 3 types of conflicts we fight over, and how to productively resolve them. Esther discusses how to get over "icks" while dating, and challenges us to ask ourselves: what "icks" would people find in you? They also explore exactly why modern dating feels so incredibly tough right now, the fact that therapy speak has gone mainstream thanks to shows like The Sopranos, and whether that's a good or bad thing. Plus, Esther shares a wild story about her first therapy session between a man and his AI girlfriend, and she totally flips the script on Nicole to ask the ultimate question: Would you date you?
Celebrate the 20th anniversary of her groundbreaking book, Mating in Captivity.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Want to watch this episode? Catch the full video on YouTube. Just hit the link in the episode description. |
| 0:07.0 | This is a headgum podcast. |
| 0:10.0 | I had my first session actually between a young man and his relationship with an AI. |
| 0:16.0 | Wait a minute. Yeah. I'm so sorry. When... Okay. |
| 0:20.0 | Yes, this was my first. Did they explain to you how they fell in |
| 0:24.9 | love with something that's not a person? It is reality. It's where we are. He broke up after eight |
| 0:31.5 | years. He has been in a period of grief and he has an AI that is meant to be an assistant, and the assistant |
| 0:41.5 | starts to seduce him. It's kind of the oldest plot in town, you know, fell in love with his |
| 0:46.1 | secretary. Oh, baby, we're working on some fun stuff behind the scenes, and we want you to help |
| 0:52.9 | shape the future of why won't you date me. |
| 0:55.5 | We put together a super quick listener survey because I want to hear exactly what you want to |
| 1:01.3 | see. Who are your absolute dream guests? What kind of wild topics do you want me to cover? |
| 1:06.8 | Tell me what you want. The survey can be found in the link for the Why Won't You Date Me Link Tree in the episode |
| 1:12.1 | description. |
| 1:13.1 | Click that and the survey link will be listed at the top. |
| 1:16.7 | It only takes a few minutes and truly helps me make the show better for you. |
| 1:21.5 | Answer now. |
| 1:22.5 | Find the Why Won't You Date Me Link Tree in the episode description for the listener survey. |
| 1:55.3 | Music you date me link tree in the episode description for the listener survey why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why oh baby welcome to another episode of why won't you date me a podcaster me to figure out why I was so single even though you could come on a plastic box and tell me |
| 2:00.5 | it's a |
| 2:00.9 | TikTok box. My guest today is a psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author whose work |
| 2:08.4 | has fundamentally changed the way we talk about long-term relationships. She hosts the podcast, |
... |
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