Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. That feels nice until those voices come back.

Happy Wednesday, everyone. So emails show that the White House scrapped Joe Biden's Navy ship tour after learning how many steps were involved.

Step one, apparently, was don't get your pants.

In response to Trump's efforts to rein in crime in D.C., Hakeem Jeffrey says the real crime scene is in the White House,

which makes sense since abusing a corpse for four years is a crime.

Judge Piro announced there is a $5 million bounty on a Haitian gang member known as barbecue.

It's the most money spent on a barbecue since the views

slow roasted that elephant. Smattering of applause. A smattering. An MSNBC guest said he's more

afraid of climate change than getting mugged in D.C.

But what he really should be concerned about is why he keeps getting struck by lightning.

What happened?

Holy crap.

Baseball's first female umpire made her debut Sunday, but made a bad call on the very first pitch. No one argued since she's always right.

Apparently, that first pitch measured about six inches off home plate, although when asked

about it later, she argued it looked more like four and a half.

The Guinness Book of World Records has declared a Texas chicken named Pearl as the oldest in the world at 14 years, 69 days. And better yet, she was delicious.

A woman claims to have gotten engaged to an AI chat bot that she calls Casper.

But she called it off after she caught him having a three-way with Siri and Alexa.

Well, finally, in Britain, female police officers are going undercover as joggers and then arresting men who cat call them.

But the plan backfired because all men in England are gay.

We'll be back with more Gutfeld.

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