Thank you.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

It's daylight savings time, which means we gained an hour,

but you lose it when you watch Jesse Waters.

Happy Monday, everyone.

Yesterday was the New York City Marathon.

Yeah.

Shut up!

So let me guess, was the winner a skinny guy from Kenya?

Why don't just roll a file photo of him?

Huh?

That's not him.

Bill Clinton attended the marathon to cheer on his daughter, Chelsea.

True, the last time Bill saw that many women running was when he was chasing them on Epstein Island.

It was Bill's most recent marathon since he once masturbated to four hours

of reruns of he-ha.

Oddly, Bill was seen with a bandage on his nose.

We're still waiting to see the condition of Hillary's knuckles.

Who knew the New York City Marathon was so much fun?

But New Yorkers are still recovering from yesterday's race.

In fact, on my way to work this morning, I saw squirrel rubbing Ben Gay on his nuts.

Finish times for the race were much higher than expected.

...