Why You Struggle to Find Deep Connection | Michael Trainer • 455
Mind Love™ • Consciousness, Spirituality, and Science for Awakening
Melissa Monte | Conscious Coach
4.9 • 906 Ratings
🗓️ 26 May 2026
⏱️ 77 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Why do you keep craving deep connection but still feel like no one really knows you?
Michael Trainer breaks down why the way most of us go about connecting actually keeps us at arm's length from the thing we want most. This conversation goes beyond relationship advice into the subconscious patterns that turn genuine connection into performance.
What you'll learn:
- Why craving depth can be the thing blocking it
- How performing connection is different from actually having it
- Why the containers you create determine the relationships you get
Michael Trainer spent 30 years researching human connection and wrote Resonance: The Art and Science of Connection. He's studied the gap between what people say they want in relationships and what their behavior is actually building.
Find Michael's book "Resonance" and all links at: mindlove.com/455
Want to stop performing connection and actually build it with people who get it? Join the free Mind Love Collective for the kind of intimate community where breakthroughs happen. mindlove.com/join
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Why do you think most people who say they want deep connection actually kind of struggle to let people in? |
| 0:06.6 | Great question. I think what we say we want and what we actually want are often two different things. |
| 0:14.9 | And in my experience, part of why I've really spent this last 30 years doing this research is how do we find |
| 0:24.7 | congruity in our lives in terms of what we say we want and actually having that match what we |
| 0:31.5 | want and to me the first part of that which is not a which is not a short answer but is how do we actually do the deep work into what our vision and values are, which I write about in the book, is kind of the first whole half, right? |
| 0:47.2 | Like if we want epic relationships in our life, the first relationship is with ourselves. |
| 0:52.8 | I'm Melissa Monty. This is with ourselves. I'm Melissa Monty. |
| 0:55.9 | This is Mind Love. |
| 1:08.1 | But I don't think a lot of people, you know, have a depth of inquiry into what they truly want out of this life. |
| 1:11.6 | And I think only once we know what we truly want, |
| 1:15.8 | can we actually navigate commensurate with those wishes. |
| 1:19.5 | And that obviously knowing doesn't necessarily ensure that you're going to find it right away either. |
| 1:24.4 | So that's just sort of the beginning of the process. |
| 1:27.2 | But I think one of the beginning of the process. But |
| 1:27.5 | I think one of the core pieces is a lot of what we think we want or we say we want is socially |
| 1:36.1 | conditioned, right? Even subtly, you know, for example, romantic relationship, you know, a lot of |
| 1:43.0 | people have been conditioned into thinking that romantic relationship |
| 1:46.7 | is finding someone that completes them because that's what they've seen time and again in |
| 1:51.0 | Hollywood movies. And that's the archetype of the happily ever after, you know. And a lot of |
| 1:58.3 | focus on the wedding, not a lot of focus on the marriage, a lot of focus on the marriage right which is which is |
| 2:03.0 | which is which is the important part and i think that that that kind of congruence is something that we |
| 2:09.1 | see time and again in all aspects of our life right how how is what we deeply want |
... |
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