Hi, you're listening to Small Things Often from the Gottman Institute, where we talk you through

research-based tips to help improve your relationships in five minutes or less.

Today's tip is about why you should surround yourself with healthy couples. Did you know that

research has shown that couples who are friends with other healthy couples

have better relationships? And it's not just because they like hanging out and having fun.

Of course that's part of it. But along with that, while they're together, they're learning

what works and what doesn't work in a relationship, just by observing each other in action with their partner.

Here's some things you might learn. Say you and your partner are at a couple's home,

and you've all decided to order takeout for dinner. There are two great Chinese restaurants in town,

but your friends disagree on which one is better. Without ever raising their voices, they have a quick discussion,

each giving the other time to express their thoughts. And then after a few minutes, one says,

OK, let's go with your choice, and next time we'll go with mine. No raised voices, no hurt feelings.

If you watched closely, you may have learned how to accept each other's influence

and how to disagree while still being respectful, without criticism or defensiveness. Or maybe you have

friends who are masters of fondness and admiration. Even though they've been married for many years,

you'd think they were newlyweds. Each time one walks into the

room, the other smiles. They hold hands, hug frequently, and express love for each other, both

physically and verbally. From this, you could become more aware of how to be more attentive to your partner,

expressing love and intimacy more often throughout the day.

Perhaps another couple has had some rough times in their life together.

Ups and downs and personal struggles.

But through it all, they've remained committed to their relationship.

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