Early dating sucks. One of the worst parts of early dating is that it can make you act like someone

you're not, someone you can't stand. Have you ever been in a relationship or in a dating scenario with someone and thought, I hate the person that I am with this person.

I do not recognize myself. Well, there is a very particular reason why this happens.

When we are trying to get vulnerable with someone, but we're not aware enough of our own

patterns, and we're certainly not aware of their patterns. It can lead to this very

dangerous cycle. They come on strong initially, you get invested, they then pull back, you then

get pulled in, they then pull further back, and before you know it, they are gone. What happens here? in order to talk about this I want to

talk about attachment theory and that kind of spectrum of there are people who

are anxious there are people who are avoidant there are people who live in the

middle who are more secure because I have had questions for years from both sides of that attachment spectrum.

The problem is that all of these people can get locked into a kind of spiral that's bad for everyone.

I think what's interesting is that we find it much easier to sympathize with people who live on the anxious side of the spectrum

than we do on the avoidant side of the spectrum. It feels like people on the anxious side of the spectrum than we do on the

avoidance side of the spectrum. It feels like people on the anxious side are always getting their

hearts broken by some external force by another person, whereas people on the avoidance side

are always hurting themselves. They're people who, you know, can't figure out what's going to make

them happy, push people

away, self-isolate. So their pain is kind of in some ways a more private pain that we often

don't see them going through, which is the pain of loneliness, the pain of constantly searching

for some elusive thing. People on the anxious side, their heartbreak is extremely obvious.

Someone hurt them and now it's easy to sympathize with the person who has been hurt by somebody else.

But if we just look at it, like everyone on this spectrum is someone who is reacting to something

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