Why Women Get Bored With Monogamy Faster Than Men | Esther Perel

The Daily Motivation

Lewis Howes

Education, Self-improvement

4.8 • 893 Ratings

🗓️ 24 November 2025

⏱️ 7 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

For thousands of years, sex had nothing to do with pleasure, choice, or desire. Now we're attempting something humanity has never done: maintaining passion with one person for 60+ years. Esther Perel reveals why women's desire plummets after marriage faster than men's, and how most couples are killing their own passion without realizing it.

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation Show.
0:10.0	One of the fascinating things for me in looking at sexuality is that it's probably one of the dimensions of relationship that has changed the most in a very, very short amount of time.
0:24.7	For most of history and in still the majority of the world, sex is for procreation.
0:30.2	Sex is a marital duty on the part of the woman.
0:32.9	Nobody cares particularly if she likes it and how she feels and if she wants it.
0:39.8	And men have the privilege to go and find sex elsewhere. In a very short amount of time, we're talking 60 years.
0:45.6	We have contraception, which is the liberation of women for the first time to free sex from
0:51.4	reproduction, from mortality, from death in pregnancy and in childbirthry, all of that. And for the first time, free sex from reproduction, from mortality, from death in pregnancy and in childbirthory,
0:56.6	all of that. And for the first time, sexuality moves from just biology and a condition to a part
1:03.0	of our identity and a lifestyle. In 60 years. In 60 years. The women's movement, which goes after
1:09.2	the abuses of power, the gay movement, which goes after the abuses of power.
1:11.3	The gay movement, which introduces the concept of identity to sexuality.
1:16.6	The fact that sex is for connection and pleasure.
1:19.4	The fact that for the first time we have sex before marriage.
1:22.7	And many times, a lot.
1:24.3	We used to marry and have sex for the first time.
1:26.8	Now we marry and we stop having sex with others. Right. Monogamy used to marry and have sex for the first time. Now we marry and we stopped having sex
1:28.6	with others. Okay? Monogamy used to be one person for life. Now monogamy is one person at a time.
1:35.5	And people go around telling you, I'm monogamous in all my relationships. And it takes perfect sense to
1:40.8	say, okay? All of that in a very short amount of time. The fact that I choose
1:46.5	you to marry or to live together doesn't matter. Commitment because I'm attracted to you,
1:51.7	because you give me butterflies in my stomach and the fact that I think that if I don't have these
	...

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