Why We Resist Change (and What to Do About It) with Ross Ellenhorn

The One You Feed

Eric Zimmer

Education, Self-improvement, Religion & Spirituality, Health & Fitness, Buddhism, Mental Health

4.6 • 2.5K Ratings

🗓️ 22 July 2025

⏱️ 55 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

In this episode, Ross Ellenhorn explores the complexities of why we resist change and what to do about it. As Ross explains in this conversation, “staying the same protects you from the insult of small steps.” He shows us why these tiny steps can sometimes feel insulting and demoralizing. Ross also delves into the fear of raising expectations, the pain of disappointment, and why hope itself can feel threatening

Discover the six hidden saboteurs that quietly derail your best intentions—like autopilot behavior, self-doubt, and emotional escape. Download our free guide to uncover what’s getting in your way and learn simple strategies to take back control. Get it now at oneyoufeed.net/ebook.

Key Takeaways:

Psychological concepts related to change, addiction, hope, disappointment, and self-efficacy.
The complexities of addiction and the distinction between harmful behaviors and positive attachments.
The challenges of personal change and the forces that resist it, including fear of disappointment and existential anxiety.
The concept of “fear of hope” and its impact on motivation and willingness to change.
The importance of social support and community in the recovery process.
Critique of current addiction treatment models and the need for a more compassionate, harm reduction approach.
The role of context in shaping an individual’s ability to change and the limitations of individualistic approaches.
The significance of incremental change and the value of small steps in personal growth.
The importance of respecting resistance to change as a form of self-love and preservation.

If you enjoyed this conversation with Ross Ellenhorn, check out these other episodes:

How to Integrate Behavior Change with Your Values with Spencer Greenberg

Tiny Habits for Behavior Change with BJ Fogg

Behavior Change with Dr. John Norcross

For full show notes, click here!

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Transcript

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0:00.0	Disappointment is this profoundly important and scary thing for people because it means when you're actually trying to change something, it's telling you that you're not capable of doing it.
0:10.4	And in that, it's saying you're kind of helpless in running your life.
0:13.3	So every disappointment is that message.
0:15.4	And so it makes sense that a person might want to avoid that.
0:25.7	Yeah. might want to avoid that. Welcome to the one you feed.
0:28.0	Throughout time, great thinkers have recognized the importance of the thoughts we have.
0:32.6	Quotes like, garbage in, garbage out, or you are what you think, ring true. And yet, for many of us,
0:39.6	our thoughts don't strengthen or empower us. We tend toward negativity, self-pity, jealousy,
0:45.6	or fear. We see what we don't have instead of what we do. We think things that hold us back
0:51.6	and dampen our spirit. But it's not just about thinking.
0:55.4	Our actions matter.
0:56.9	It takes conscious, consistent, and creative effort to make a life worth living.
1:01.8	This podcast is about how other people keep themselves moving in the right direction, how they feed their good wolf.
1:11.0	I have a book coming out next year called How a Little Becomes a Lot, and it's all about
1:16.0	how change happens through small incremental steps.
1:20.5	So you can imagine how the title of Chapter 7 in today's guest book stopped me cold.
1:27.2	Staying the same, he says, protects you from the insult
1:31.2	of small steps. Ross Ellenhorn, therapist, researcher, and author of how we change, and 10
1:39.5	reasons why we don't, shows us why these tiny steps can sometimes feel insulting and demoralizing. In this
1:48.0	conversation, we dig into the fear of raising expectations, the pain of disappointment,
1:54.3	and why hope itself can feel threatening. I'm Eric Zimmer, and this is the one you feed.
2:01.3	Hi, Ross. Welcome to the show.
	...

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