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The Virtual Couch

Why We Misunderstand Each Other: An Exploration of Relational Frames

The Virtual Couch

Tony Overbay LMFT

Education, Mental Health, Health & Fitness, Self-improvement

5643 Ratings

🗓️ 24 August 2023

⏱️ 49 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Tony explains why it is so easy to be misunderstood. He delves deep into the intricate world of Relational Frame Theory, shedding light on the pivotal role frame choice plays in our conversations. Through engaging discussions and real-life examples, Tony highlights the significance of understanding relationships and harnessing the power of curiosity. He touches upon the importance of approaching conversations with good intentions, observing without casting judgments, and navigating the challenges of differing interpretations of words like 'trauma.' By sharing a heartfelt letter from a listener, Tony vividly shows how past traumas shape our present, emphasizing the gaps they can create in trust and understanding.Building on insights from a previous episode, Tony reintroduces the 'assertive frame' idea and demonstrates how word meanings can shift depending on the context. Tony references “A Liberated Mind” by Stephen Hayes, co-founder of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, who emphasizes the depth and complexity of language and relationships. The episode beautifully encapsulates the journey from misunderstanding to connection, offering listeners actionable advice on fostering more robust relationships. From the intricacies of language learning to the importance of curiosity, Tony guides listeners through a transformative journey of communication and connection.To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch (https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch)Inside ACT for Anxiety Disorder Course is Open! Visit https://praxiscet.com/virtualcouch Inside ACT for Anxiety Disorders, Dr. Michael Twohig will teach you the industry-standard treatment used by anxiety-treatment experts around the world. Through 6 modules of clear instruction and clinical demonstrations, you will learn how to create opportunities for clients to practice psychological flexibility in the presence of anxiety. After completing the course material, you'll have a new, highly effective anxiety treatment tool that can be used with every anxiety-related disorder, from OCD to panic disorder to generalized anxiety disorder.And follow Tony on the Virtual Couch YouTube channel for a sneak preview of his upcoming podcast "Murder on the Couch," where True Crime meets therapy, co-hosted with his daughter Sydney. You can watch a pre-release clip here https://youtu.be/-RkRq8SrQy0 (https://youtu.be/-RkRq8SrQy0)Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384 (https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384)Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back,

Transcript

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0:00.0

So I can honestly say that I really do love what I do. And after spending 10 years in a career

0:04.7

that I didn't really enjoy and I didn't even know that I didn't enjoy it, I was just kind of doing it.

0:11.0

And now 17, 18 years into a career as a therapist and a podcast host and doing some speaking and writing,

0:16.8

I just absolutely love it. So I just want to set the stage by telling that part of the story.

0:22.6

But it's been quite a while, but I remember working with a client and the client would continually

0:28.2

just say things and I was lost. So they would say things like, and then, you know, high school

0:35.4

happens. And I would feel like, and that, that did happen, didn't it?

0:40.9

Is that, is that a good thing or a bad thing?

0:44.0

Or then they would say, you know, and then all of a sudden I'm watching the Big Bang theory and, you know, Sheldon.

0:50.4

And so I'm thinking, I mean, I kind of know who the character is, but I'm not really sure if that is a good expression that you're saying or a bad expression.

0:58.8

Or heaven forbid when we would start heading down some realm of really trying to figure out, dig deep into their values.

1:04.8

And then they just sort of had this assumption that everybody was on the same page.

1:08.4

So they would say, well, and then, I mean, things like

1:11.6

guns or education, and they would just say, am I right? They want this validation. And I have no

1:17.2

idea what their stance is. And then as I would even dig in a little bit deeper, I don't think

1:22.3

they did either. But one of the things I thought was so confusing about those kind of conversations

1:27.0

is that sometimes

1:28.4

people just have such different experiences or different meanings for different words and concepts

1:33.9

and experiences.

1:35.4

Not going to lie, my high school experience was not bad.

1:38.5

Sometimes when I hear people talk about the people that peaked at high school, I start to

1:42.5

think, oh, wait a minute, was that me? Was that the case?

...

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