Differentiation for Dummies: Finding Your Voice in the Relationship Choir

The Virtual Couch

Tony Overbay LMFT

Education, Mental Health, Health & Fitness, Self-improvement

5 • 643 Ratings

🗓️ 31 August 2023

⏱️ 42 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Tony explains what the psychology “buzzword” differentiation means and why it is essential to not only be differentiated in your key relationships but also how differentiation, or being able to recognize and separate your feelings and emotions from external influences, like the comments and interactions with others, is a critical component of emotional maturity, and as cliched as it sounds, becoming the very best version of yourself in ALL aspects of your life, and ANY conversation. One listener shares their journey through a candid letter, highlighting the challenges and epiphanies experienced during therapy sessions. From understanding their partner's perspective to navigating cultural and religious taboos on intimacy, the narrative uncovers the significance of recognizing one's emotions distinctly from external influences. The episode takes listeners on a journey of self-discovery, emphasizing the importance of setting boundaries, understanding reactions, and the continuous process of reshaping our mental landscapes. This episode offers a comprehensive look into fostering individuality while maintaining a deep connection with others through real-life examples, expert insights, and reflective techniques.Tune in and explore the intricate dynamics of differentiation, understand Bowen's theory in a refreshing light, and get inspired to enrich your mental space continually. Whether it's about confronting past experiences, recognizing external pressures, or seeking genuine personal growth, this episode is a treasure trove of insights for those eager to embrace their authentic selves while building healthier relationships. Join us on the Virtual Couch, and let's journey together into the heart of true self-awareness.To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch (https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch)Inside ACT for Anxiety Disorder Course is Open! Visit https://praxiscet.com/virtualcouch Inside ACT for Anxiety Disorders, Dr. Michael Twohig will teach you the industry-standard treatment used by anxiety-treatment experts around the world. Through 6 modules of clear instruction and clinical demonstrations, you will learn how to create opportunities for clients to practice psychological flexibility in the presence of anxiety. After completing the course material, you'll have a new, highly effective anxiety treatment tool that can be used with every anxiety-related disorder, from OCD to panic disorder to generalized anxiety disorder.And follow Tony on the Virtual Couch YouTube channel for a sneak preview of his upcoming podcast "Murder on the Couch," where True Crime meets therapy, co-hosted with his daughter Sydney. You can watch a pre-release clip here https://youtu.be/-RkRq8SrQy0 (https://youtu.be/-RkRq8SrQy0)Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384 (https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384)

Transcript

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0:00.0	Come on in and take a seat on the virtual couch.
0:06.5	Hey, everybody. Welcome to episode 393 of the virtual couch. I'm your host, Tony Overbay. I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist and host of a few other podcasts, waking up to narcissism, waking up to narcissism, the premium question and answer episode. And then we also have murder on the couch and the
0:21.1	mind, the mirror, me where I'm coasting that with my daughter, Mackie. And I would love for you
0:25.4	to just go to the show notes and subscribe to the newsletter. There are newsletters coming out on a
0:30.3	weekly basis. And then there are just a lot of fun things coming down the pipeline. Today, let's
0:35.2	jump right into it. I want to get to a topic called
0:38.0	differentiation. It is a bit of a psychology buzzword, but we're going to start out with a
0:42.7	very detailed letter, and well, let me just start reading it, and we'll go from there.
0:48.3	So the letter is titled a transformation in our relationship. Hey, Tony, first of all, I've
0:53.6	been an avid listener of the
0:54.6	Virtual Couch podcast, and it's been a valuable resource for me during some challenging times.
0:59.7	Okay, in the vein of full transparency, you know exactly who I am or who we are, but I don't
1:05.3	think that you would share this story so soon because I know you value confidentiality. So for
1:09.8	your listeners, this is actually an email that I wrote and printed and slid under your door.
1:15.1	And I will cut in here and say that is a very true statement.
1:18.4	I came in one morning and there was a letter under my door and I don't know why, but for some reason,
1:22.3	I start to think, oh, this is, I don't know what this is.
1:25.2	This could be a bad thing. I've had a, maybe a payment or two
1:28.5	shoved under my door, but never this letter. So it was actually nice to get this letter. So let me
1:34.5	continue. So they said, for your listeners, yeah, this is an email I wrote and printed and
1:39.0	slid under your door. In a recent session, you talked with my spouse and I about the interior
1:43.4	landscape of our minds,
	...

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