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Mind Love • Modern Mindfulness to Think, Feel, and Live Well

Why Smart People Keep Dating the Wrong Person (And How to Break the Cycle) with Marni Kinrys • 404

Mind Love • Modern Mindfulness to Think, Feel, and Live Well

Melissa Monte | Conscious Coach

Mental Health, Mindfulness, Consciousness, Personal Growth, Spiritual Growth, Inspirational, Awakening, Religion & Spirituality, Spirituality, Education, Self-improvement, Health & Fitness

4.9897 Ratings

🗓️ 3 June 2025

⏱️ 67 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

In this episode, you'll learn: How to get clear on what you actually want in a partner (beyond surface-level preferences) and why this clarity is the key to attracting the right person The difference between people who date successfully versus those who just date often—and the mindset shifts that make all the difference Why most of us are unconsciously repelling the very people we want to attract, and the simple changes that can transform how others see you Have you ever found yourself dating the same type of person over and over again, wondering why you keep attracting the wrong people? Or maybe you're clear on what you don't want, but when someone asks what you're actually looking for, you draw a blank? I used to think that getting specific about what I wanted in a partner would somehow shrink my dating pool. Like I was being too picky or limiting my options. But what I didn't realize was how much time and emotional energy I was wasting on people who were never going to be a good fit. I was operating from this scarcity mindset, thinking I had to keep my options wide open, when really I was just keeping myself wide open to disappointment. Here's what's wild—recent studies show that people who have a clear vision of what they want in a relationship are 40% more likely to find lasting love within two years. Meanwhile, those who cast a wide net and hope for the best often find themselves stuck in the same frustrating patterns for years. Today our guest is Marni Kinrys, creator of the Wing Girl Method and a dating expert who's been helping people find love for over 21 years. She's worked with hundreds of thousands of clients and has a unique perspective on what actually works in modern dating versus what we think should work. Links from the episode: Show Notes: mindlove.com/404 Join the Mind Love Collective Sign up for The Morning Mind Love for short daily notes to wake up inspired Support Mind Love Sponsors Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Have you ever found yourself dating the same type of person over and over again, wondering

0:07.6

why you keep attracting the wrong people?

0:10.8

Or maybe you're clear on what you don't want, but when somebody asks you what you're actually

0:15.0

looking for, you just sort of draw blank.

0:17.9

I used to think that getting specific about what I wanted in a partner would somehow shrink

0:23.6

my dating pool, like I was being too picky or limiting my options.

0:28.5

But what I didn't realize was how much time and emotional energy I was wasting on people

0:33.7

who were never going to be a good fit anyways.

0:36.8

It's like I was operating from the scarcity mindset,

0:39.3

thinking that I had to keep my options wide open,

0:42.3

when really I was just keeping myself wide open to disappointment.

0:47.3

Recent studies actually show that people who have a clear vision

0:51.3

of what they want in a relationship

0:53.3

are 40% more likely to find

0:55.9

lasting love within two years. Meanwhile, those who cast this really wide net and hope for

1:02.2

the best usually find themselves stuck in the same frustrating patterns for years. The truth is,

1:08.7

we live in a time where dating has become more complicated than ever.

1:13.6

We have endless options, probably too many options, through apps, but somehow connection feels

1:20.6

harder to find, elusive almost. We're more guarded because we've been hurt before. But that same protection is keeping genuinely good people at a distance.

1:33.2

And most of us don't even realize that we're doing it.

1:36.1

I have watched friends swipe through hundreds of profiles,

1:40.4

go on dozens of dates,

...

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