Why Self-Hatred Makes No Sense | Matthew Brensilver
10% Happier with Dan Harris
10% Media, LLC
4.6 • 12.9K Ratings
🗓️ 21 May 2025
⏱️ 64 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
This episode explores a compelling Buddhist question: does self-hatred, or self-love, make sense if the self is an illusion? Matthew Brensilver, PhD, is a clinical social worker and experienced teacher of meditation retreats. He also worked at an organization called Mindful Schools, which teaches teachers how to teach meditation.
This episode also explores:
- How and why to view your anger with skepticism
- The relationship between self-love and personal ethics
- What to do if you think you're a good person but have no interest in changing your behavior to get better
- How to handle a nagging sense of moral un-justifiability
- And how Matthew has arrived at a place of relative peace with his own mortality.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | It's the 10% Happier Podcast. |
| 0:07.0 | I'm Dan Harris. |
| 0:08.0 | Hello, my fellow suffering beings, how we doing? Today we've got a compelling Buddhist question. |
| 0:24.9 | Does self-hatred, or self-love for that matter, do either of these concepts make sense if the self is an illusion? |
| 0:33.9 | I'm going to be chewing over that and many other fascinating questions with one of my favorite guests. |
| 0:38.9 | Matthew Brensilver, PhD, who is a clinical social worker and also an experienced teacher of meditation, including deep meditation retreats. |
| 0:47.4 | Aside from the question about whether you can love or hate yourself if the self doesn't exist, we're going to talk about how and why to view your anger with skepticism, |
| 0:55.7 | the relationship between self-love and personal ethics, what to do if you think you're a good |
| 1:00.1 | person, but you have no interest in changing your behavior to get better, how to handle a nagging |
| 1:06.5 | sense of doubt that you may have about the morality of the way you're living your life, |
| 1:10.3 | and how Matthew has arrived at a place of relative peace with his own mortality. |
| 1:16.6 | A little bit more about Matthew before we dive in here, aside from teaching retreats at places |
| 1:20.8 | like Spirit Rock, he has worked at an organization called Mindful Schools, which teaches teachers |
| 1:25.6 | how to teach meditation. And as a social |
| 1:27.7 | worker, he has treated severely and persistently mentally ill adults and adolescents. He's an utterly |
| 1:33.2 | fascinating person, and I got a lot out of this conversation. Quick note, this episode is a rerun |
| 1:38.7 | from February 2022, and we loved it so much, we're bringing it back. Before we dive in and on a very related note, |
| 1:46.0 | I do want to tell you about something I'm doing over on danharris.com all week at 4 p.m. Eastern. |
| 1:51.7 | I'm going to be doing live guided meditations where I focus on specific forms of meditation |
| 1:56.6 | that were designed by the Buddha as an antidote to anxiety. |
| 2:01.6 | As you may know, there are four related meditation practices that are collectively known as the Brahma Viharas or divine abodes. |
| 2:09.6 | Not my preferred branding, but really, I found these styles of practice to be immensely helpful in my own life. |
... |
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