Why it's so hard to accept compliments

Life Kit

NPR

Health & Fitness, Self-improvement, Kids & Family, Education, Business

4.3 • 3.9K Ratings

🗓️ 15 July 2025

⏱️ 23 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Receiving praise can feel good. But it can also feel uncomfortable. Should you say something nice back? Brush it off? Make a self-deprecating comment? Many of us were never taught how to accept compliments, but there's science to back up the benefits of receiving and giving kudos.

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Transcript

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0:00.0	Support for NPR and the following message comes from the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation.
0:05.4	RWJF is a national philanthropy, working toward a future where health is no longer a privilege but a right.
0:12.1	Learn more at RWJF.org.
0:15.6	You're listening to LifeKit from NPR.
0:22.9	Hey, it's Mariel.
0:24.8	You did such a good job with that project at work.
0:28.4	Your style is on point.
0:31.2	That dress looks incredible on you.
0:33.9	You have the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen.
0:38.3	These are all such lovely things to hear in theory.
0:42.4	But for a lot of us, if somebody said these things to our faces, we'd get uncomfortable, right?
0:47.5	We'd deflect or say something bad about ourselves or instantly pick something to compliment about the other person.
0:54.5	Because many of us were never taught how to accept a compliment.
0:58.7	But a few years ago, I saw my younger cousin when she was maybe 17,
1:02.9	accept a compliment so skillfully, so unselfconsciously, it really inspired me.
1:08.9	I think she'd just dyed the tips of her hair some bright color, and my mom said,
1:12.8	I really like that.
1:13.9	And my cousin said, I do too.
1:16.7	Just like that, the conversation was about two people expressing that they liked the same thing.
1:22.0	Simple.
1:23.0	So what I mean to say is, it can be done.
1:25.6	We can learn to accept compliments the way my cousin did
	...

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