This is NPR's Life Kit.

Forgiveness has a PR problem.

Think about all those useless idioms to describe it.

Stuff like, Forgiven Forget.

Turn a blind eye.

Let bygons be bygons.

With that kind of cheesy advice, no wonder why so many people travel through life dragging

a steamer trunk full of resentment.

Anna Hallib is a forgiveness author and peace educator.

She says further complicating the issue is the when and how we're first introduced

to forgiveness.

For most of us, that happens at school.

On the playground, when we're about four years old or five years old,

when we start interacting with other kids and then the adults tell us,

oh well, if somebody did something to us then that person perpetrator should say they're sorry

and the other kid should just say, oh well, it's okay.

And then they're supposed to move on.

That's not much of a training and forgiveness just saying it's okay.

Still she says on the playground, sometimes saying it's okay is okay.

But then we grow older.

And more and more things that are really traumatic happen, then maybe it's not okay.

So we live with these feelings of fear and revenge sometimes and anger.

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