"Why does criticism hurt so much?" Dr Julie on triggers and behaviour patterns
Happy Place
Fearne Cotton
4.7 • 15.6K Ratings
🗓️ 25 May 2026
⏱️ 59 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Ever looked in the mirror and told yourself “I am enough” ...and not believed a word of it? Psychologist Dr Julie Smith reckons affirmations only work to boost confidence if – deep down – you already believe them.
In this chat with Fearne, Julie explains why your brain needs evidence, not mantras, to change your critical inner voice and build self-worth. She also talks through why criticism from others can hit so hard, and why the discomfort felt is often an echo of a much older wound. Julie breaks down how the patterns we developed in childhood keep replaying in adulthood.
Julie also talks about her breast cancer diagnosis, and how it tested everything she’d been teaching everyone else about fear, agency, and mental health.
Plus, what’s the simple therapy exercise that could change how you carry pain?
Dr Julie’s best-selling book, Open When, is available now in paperback.
If you liked this episode of Happy Place, you might also like:
Dr Julie’s first Happy Place episode
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Hello, I'm Fernacotton and this is Happy Place, the show that gets you to trust in yourself more. |
| 0:08.0 | Today I'm chatting to Dr Julie Smith. |
| 0:11.1 | The core thing about mental health is you feel so out of control and overwhelmed and distressed, but as soon as you see an avenue for something that you can do, your mind has a |
| 0:23.2 | guide to follow. And when I was sort of working with probably young women mostly, he would come |
| 0:28.3 | along feeling that I was going to fix them in some way or that all the things that life could |
| 0:32.9 | throw at you, they didn't know how to deal with it or that they didn't believe they could cope. |
| 0:37.0 | All that changed between the beginning of therapy and the end of therapy, life was still stressful for them and they still had lots of stuff to face, but they just realized they could trust themselves to do something with it. I hope you're all good. I'm currently sat in my kitchen. I just went for a big old morning walk because my head was all scrambled. And then, do you know what I just did? I got in. I was |
| 0:55.7 | stood in the kitchen and I was really hot after my walk. So I took, well, I lifted my jumper over |
| 1:00.4 | my head without realizing I didn't have a t-shirt on underneath. And I've got a bunch of builders |
| 1:07.4 | stood on the driveway. So any one of them might have just got a quick flash of my |
| 1:12.8 | bra. Who knows? I'm very red-faced and quickly pulled my jumper back down. So here I am, sat slightly |
| 1:19.9 | mortified, ignoring the builders and cracking on with hopefully delivering you an episode of Happy Place, which is soothing to your soul. |
| 1:30.9 | I think it really will be. I think we all need it. I don't know about you, but when I was on my |
| 1:34.4 | walk just now, I went on the walk because I was meant to be doing a Happy Place episode, but one of |
| 1:39.9 | the guests wasn't very well. So all plans changed. and I was voice noting lots of my mates about |
| 1:46.0 | stuff in my life stuff in their life and it just seems like everyone's got a hell of a lot of shit |
| 1:50.3 | going on right now and that's where good friends really come into play right we're all kind |
| 1:54.5 | of therapists each other on voice note which I'm so hereful I love my mates I fucking love them |
| 2:00.5 | anyway this episode, |
| 2:02.4 | if you are having a bit of a mare, will be a tonic, I reckon. I've been looking forward to |
| 2:09.0 | having psychologist Dr. Julie back on the show for years. We haven't had a catch-up in ages. |
| 2:16.4 | And I know that you lot have been excited too because in the last |
... |
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