Why Cohabitation Destroys Intimacy (And How To Bring It Back)

Sex With Emily

Health & Fitness, Sexuality

4.2 • 6.7K Ratings

🗓️ 11 November 2025

⏱️ 30 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Join the SmartSX Membership : https://sexwithemily.com/smartsx Access exclusive sex coaching, live expert sessions, community building, and tools to enhance your pleasure and relationships with Dr. Emily Morse. List & Other Sex With Emily Guides: https://sexwithemily.com/guides/ Explore pleasure, deepen connections, and enhance intimacy using these Sex With Emily downloadable guides. SHOP WITH EMILY!: https://bit.ly/3rNSNcZ (free shipping on orders over $99) Want more? Visit the Sex With Emily Website: https://sexwithemily.com/ In this Sex with Emily episode, Dr. Emily and producer Erica dive into your questions about sex and relationships. A woman who's been living with her partner for over a year and can't stand his unsexy pecks on the lips anymore—why moving in together kills sexual tension and the surprising move she needs to make instead of waiting for him to change. The listener who ended a relationship because their partner refused to give oral sex—why sexual dealbreakers are valid and the one question Dr. Emily wishes she'd asked before walking away. A man in England with a specific fetish whose girlfriend gets "nasty and defensive" every time he tries to talk about sex—the cultural shame around sex talk that's blocking exploration and whether therapy books can replace actual therapy. Why "I don't want to seem pushy" is code for "we have a communication problem"—and the difference between a fantasy you'd like to explore and a fetish that's a requirement for arousal. The real reason your partner gets defensive when you bring up sex (spoiler: it's not about you). Timestamps: 0:00 - Intro 3:14 - Why Living Together Kills Sexual Tension (And How to Fix It) 8:43 - Dating Someone with Herpes: What You Need to Know 10:32 - The Truth About Herpes Transmission and Risk 15:00 - My Partner Won't Give Oral: Should I Break Up? 17:43 - How to Have the Difficult Oral Sex Conversation 21:56 - When Your Partner Won't Explore Your Fetish 23:15 - Defensiveness in Sex Talks: Red Flag or Fixable? 25:54 - When Sexual Incompatibility Becomes a Deal Breaker

Transcript

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0:00.0	You know, a lot of us go into therapy and we complain about our partners and there's all
0:03.1	these things wrong, which might be true. It might be really, really annoying. But until we change,
0:08.2	then they have an opportunity to react to our change. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm
0:18.0	Dr. Emily here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the
0:21.2	conversation around sex. Listen up everyone. Today, producer Erica and I are diving into your
0:25.8	questions and we're letting you know if you're being an asshole in your sex life and relationships.
0:29.9	We're answering questions like, am I the asshole for wanting more sexual tension and intimacy
0:34.1	in my relationship? Am I the asshole for reevaluating things after my partner told me they have an STI?
0:39.8	And much more.
0:40.9	This episode is about getting real with what you need,
0:43.7	learning how to actually talk about sex without shame,
0:46.3	and figuring out when a relationship can work through challenges and when it can't.
0:51.1	If you've ever wondered whether wanting more makes you selfish, stay right here
0:55.3	and let's get into it. So let's get into one of our favorite things here we do, the Am I the
1:03.6	Asshole episode. This is from Nora. She's 33 in Canada. Am I the asshole for wanting more
1:10.0	sexual tension and intimacy?
1:12.5	Hey, Dr. Emily, how do I talk to my partner about building intimacy and sexual tension
1:17.7	outside the bedroom? We've been living together over a year now and everything is comfortable,
1:23.4	happy, and safe. It's wonderful, but now I feel like an asshole because I'm often annoyed by the way
1:28.5	he greets me with a kiss that isn't sexy or intimate at all. Our bodies aren't touching or even
1:32.9	close together and in my opinion, even a hug would be way more intimate and satisfying. Am I the
1:38.3	asshole for feeling annoyed by a peck on the lips? He struggles with initiating intimacy and self-esteem so so I don't know how to bring this up without hurting his feelings. Norah, let me just tell you this. He probably doesn't know he's giving you a peck that is not sexy, romantic, or hot to you at all. Maybe you come home where he sees you. He's a little distracted. He's doing his own thing. He's gotten to his routine of the way he kisses you. So I'm just going to say he probably has no idea that he's doing his own thing and he's gotten to his routine of the way he kisses you so i'm just going to say
	...

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