Why can't we be normal about polyamory?
It's Been a Minute
NPR
4.7 • 9.2K Ratings
🗓️ 27 April 2026
⏱️ 24 minutes
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Summary
According to a YouGov survey from 2023, on a scale of zero being completely monogamous and six being completely non-monogamous, one third of Americans put their answer somewhere above zero. And there are a lot of different types of non-monogamy, but one of those types – polyamory – has been in the discourse as of late. The polyamory that writer Lindy West describes in her new book, Adult Braces, has spawned a thousand takes: her path to polyamory was admittedly kind of dicey, and it spawned discussion about what polyamory means. Polyamory can stand in for a set of political beliefs, class associations and other signifiers that have nothing to do with how many partners one has. But why does a choice about relationship structures feel so weighty, and why can't anyone be normal about it?
To discuss, Brittany is joined by Christopher M. Gleason, lecturer of American history at Georgia State University and the author of American Poly, a book about the history of polyamory in America.
(00:00) Lindy West and polyamory panic
(02:41) Polyamory's surprising political origins
(07:02) Can polyamory "fix" relationships?
(12:41) Misconceptions about polyamory (and why it has so many haters)
For more episodes about relationships, check out:
What really counts as "cheating?"
The joy of breaking up with dating apps
Me and my partner don't see eye-to-eye about AI. Now what?
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Can you list all the different kinds of non-monogamous relationships you know of? |
| 0:05.0 | Not descriptions, but just a list. |
| 0:07.0 | Polygamy, polyamory, there are subsets of polyamory. |
| 0:11.0 | We have ethical non-monogamy. |
| 0:14.0 | There are different relationships styles within that, whether it's hierarchical, primary. |
| 0:19.0 | There are egalitarian polyamory kitchen tables. People talk about it or, you know, garden party, these kind of different associations that people have with how the family dynamics should kind of work. The list goes on and on. |
| 0:31.2 | The list goes on. Okay. Well, so there are a lot of ways to be non-monogamous. But one thing I was really surprised to learn, a full third of Americans described their ideal |
| 0:41.7 | relationship as something other than completely monogamous. |
| 0:45.0 | According to a UGov survey in 2023, like on a scale of zero being completely monogamous |
| 0:50.8 | and six being completely non-monogamous. One third of Americans put their |
| 0:55.8 | answers somewhere beyond zero. And there are a lot of different types of non-monogamy, but one of |
| 1:01.6 | those types, polyamory, has been in the discourse as of late. Polyamory means having relationships that are |
| 1:09.3 | not monogamous and can't include openly dating more than one person. And the polyamory means having relationships that are not monogamous and can include openly dating more than one person. |
| 1:13.3 | And the polyamory that writer Lindy West describes in her new book, Adult Braces, has spawned a thousand takes. |
| 1:21.3 | There are takes on her specific situation, which started as a marriage to artist Hamifule Aluwo and became a thruple with his new girlfriend. |
| 1:30.0 | And I get why Lindy's story has shaken up the culture a little bit. |
| 1:33.9 | Her path to polyamory was admittedly kind of dicey, but I noticed a thing happening that kind of always happens when polyamory comes up. |
| 1:42.0 | Both people who are pro and anti-polyamory get really intense about it. |
| 1:49.6 | It's not just about personal preference either. |
| 1:51.9 | Polyamory can stand in for a set of political beliefs, class associations, and other signifiers |
| 1:57.0 | that have nothing to do with how many partners you have. |
| 2:00.2 | But why does a choice about |
... |
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