Hello there, sweet peas. I am coming at you from Minermouth Use Mystery Air

B&B somewhere in London. I am kind of sat here on the couch in the living room. Matt's been out for the day and I thought let's switch it on and do a little podcast.

I'm not going to script this. I have something I want to talk about that I wrote about this week and it kind of leads on from our conversation last time we were talking about

compliments and why they're so powerful, how you can do them better. This is kind of related I suppose because I've been sort of out and about a bit for the first time obviously we've been in the strange years.

It's not been normal to be out maybe seeing friends going to places in town. I haven't been in the city for months so I'm back in London now.

And some semi-form of normal life has resumed so you know I've been out with friends, been seeing people socially interacting which is obviously very good for the soul after doing a lot of lockdowns throughout the year.

And one thing I noticed this week was and this is why I wrote about this but the underrated idea of sweetness.

Now we think sweetness, we think everyone likes sweetness don't we that's a lovely quality and anyone to have you think yeah I want to be with someone who's sweet.

But what I notice is that people are reinforced with an idea that they can't be sweet they have to be sophisticated.

They have to be witty they have to be a bane they have to be quick talk and have a snappy come back.

Be here in England we have this concept we call it banter which kind of like a bit of a cringy word now I guess but this idea like you have to have good banter or good chat.

And you'll see this on dating apps as well in people's profile right and for obvious reasons we try and joke we try and say something clever and witty about ourselves and that's all good like I'm not I'm not knocking that.

But what I think happens is because we're so focused on being impressive we're focused on being cool we're focused on talking about our achievements and you know whatever showing how smart we are maybe showing we have some status.

It kind of can cloud out the fact that at the end of the day when you want to go on a date with someone when you're attracted to someone.

Often it happens in those moments where they just kind of sweet like they if you're a nice person if you've got a big heart or you're kind person you are genuine and look for that quality and others.

You want those moments where of little where you break through a facade and you get these little windows of real connection where you're on a date and someone makes the polite gesture you know whatever it might be they they pull out a chair

for you they offer to take and hang up your coat they do something polite when you're ordering drinks whatever they offer to pay even if you're going to pay for them they offer to pay and just these moments where it's like oh that was that was really sweet they thought about me in that moment.

You know even saying someone like give me a text when you get home you know lots of women love it right when a guy says give me a text when you get home let me know you get home safe.

He calls you a cab or whatever like these are all like little sweet gestures and I don't think it's a specific to being a man or a woman I think there might be different forms that gesture takes that maybe like women are attracted when a man does something that's quite caring and you know shows a lot of gentlemently behavior maybe men are attracted when women do something that's feminine or a bit adorable.

Or you know whatever it might be certain kind of gestures but it's not I think sweetness is actually a quality that I look for in friends as well when I was thinking about it and it's not that I have lots of friends who are really soft hearted and you know because I think sweetness gets associated with meatness like having a meat character and I don't think that's what it is at all like I've known lots of like burly macho kind of guys who also have these like

big warm hearts as well who are like super you know they're alpha in their lives they're successful they're all those kind of cliches of what you think are like a masculine man will be but the ones you really love are like a guy who can also just pay you this really kind warm compliment or he'll send you a little text saying like how much he had a good time hanging out with you and yes guys do do that sometimes we be chaffer as well they'll say

I went for dinner with Matt and a friend the other night and you know the friend text me after to say like him and his girlfriend like we had an amazing night it was such a great conversation so good spend time with you guys like so things like that it's like that sweet that sweet behavior and it's just that moment where you're like I really had a good time with you and it can take many forms right the last episode we're talking about compliments being able to take a good time with you.

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