Hello, bitches.

Every time, every time it gets old.

It is getting old.

Hello.

I am a weasard.

Hello, witches.

Welcome to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

You guys are attending your first year of Hogwarts meeting you guys are like 12, I believe.

Anyways, congratulations young wizards and witches. Although it did take us a while to get there because Ivan was struggling to get through platform 9 and 3 quarters.

Listen, I'm only here because my family is abusive and I live under their staircase.

We arrive at the castle and are immediately led through two large doors and into the Great Hall.

The sorting ceremony will begin momentarily.

We see the four different house tables with kids filling them.

The four houses are Gryffindor, which values bravery, daring, nerve and chivalry.

Pufflepuff values hard work, dedication, patience, loyalty, and fair play.

Ravenclaw values intelligence, knowledge, curiosity, creativity, and wit.

And then the last one is Slytherin, which values ambition, leadership, self-preservation, cunning, and resortfulness.

And then we're all led to the front of the great hall where the sorting hat awaits us.

We're ready for you now.

So we'll be taking a quiz to determine our houses.

When you're dead, what do you want people to do when they think of you?

Bro, this escalated quickly.

...