Hello, bitches.

Which is spitting.

This is Animal Crossing, so actually, uh...

Hello!

You're the only dog here.

Hello!

I'm very offended, Ivan.

Well, you should be.

Listen, listen, it's okay. Don't worry, because we're all going to a happy place. Because the four of you are sitting on the train on your way to a new town when a blue cat asks if he can take the seat across from you. What the fuck is a way? Can we acknowledge if there's a giant blue cat is running up on me? He just wants to sit in front. Bro, I scream in fear and hit it with my foot. Help, help, help, help. Man, I should say hello, pussies. Anyways, so that's a no? No. No. Help. All right. So, the cat sits down anyway and states, wow, it's nice to know there are still plenty of rude people in this world.

The fuck?

I look at him and I go, I will eat you.

I go, what the fuck?

Pussy?

And I look at him and go, what do you mean people?

Yeah, he looks down and notices all of your packed luggage and asks what town you're headed to. So, uh, where are you guys going? Cheese Bay. We're going to Cheese Bay, Wisconsin. Cheese Bay, Wisconsin. Can we name the town Ivan is a ho? That is not one of the options. Sorry, you can't do that. I just made that rule. The, uh, the cat introduces himself as Rover. He then states, oh, Cheese Bay, Ohio. I've been there before.

Wisconsin! Yeah! It's one of my favorite vacation spots. Ohio doesn't have cheese, no. You're right, I've never had a cheese in my life.

The train stops abruptly. You have now arrived at Cheese Bay, Ohio. As you step off, your new landlord waits on the platform.

Landlord.

What's your name, Whitey?

Hello, I am Ivan Nook.

I am your new landlord.

You guys can call me Mr. Nook here to inform you that your new influencer house has landed

...