Okay, I have tried several times to record this episode and everything I'm recording is

sort of incomplete sentences and disjointed and honestly I really hope this one works because

I don't want to keep having this conversation but I know I need to say something to all about

what's going on in our family.

So many of you have been in my community, have been my online family, have come to rise

conferences, have just been in this world with me for some of you for like a decade.

And I know that you have supported and loved our family and supported and loved me and I know

that that comes with wondering what is going on and wondering how we're doing and so I'm

going to make this episode and then I'm not going to talk about this anymore and I'm not

going to talk about this anymore because my children's father isn't content for other people.

His death is traumatic and awful and just it's just devastating and it's not content.

And I know that there are a lot of people who are finding ways to use it as content because

it's trending but I find that grotesque and deeply disrespectful and so we're not going

to do that here.

So I'm going to talk about this once and then I'm not talking about it anymore.

Honestly for a lot of reasons but I'm just not even in a place where I can do that.

The last couple of weeks have been horrible, just absolutely horrible.

I guess God if you don't know a couple of weeks ago my ex-husband Dave Hollis and the

father of my children passed away.

We still honestly don't know what happened.

I found out after the fact that he had gone to the hospital a couple of times because

he was having heart problems so I think it's really highly possible he had a heart attack

...