Tune into the Love and Abuse podcast over love and abuse.com. That's the other show that I do helping people navigate difficult relationships.

Welcome to the overwhelmed brain where you'll learn to make decisions that are right for you so that you can create the life you want now.

Hey, this is Paul Coliani and I'm here to help you learn to deal with difficult people and tackle life challenges without compromising who you are.

This show consists of my personal opinions and is meant for informational purposes only. Always seek a professional for your mental health and well-being.

And that's it. This is another show in 2023. It is now August 11th. I actually record my shows on Friday. If you listen on Sunday when it comes out, it'll be August 13th, 2023.

That means really nothing to anyone listening later. So I'm glad you're here. Thank you for tuning in. And I'm looking at a message that I received a while back that has to do with judgment.

I wrote an article called Judgment, the ultimate relationship destroyer a long time ago. I wrote it several years ago and it turns out to be one of my most popular articles at the overwhelmed brain.com if you're interested in reading that.

But basically it was me. I'm writing about myself and how I destroyed my own relationships over the years. That's what judgment does. It destroys relationships.

If you are judge judgmental critical, if you put people down, if you make them feel bad for who they are or what they do. If you tell them that what they're doing is stupid.

If you give them the look, the disapproval, the disappointment, the disapproval, the how about the guilty? I used to guilt people that I cared about made them feel bad for what they did for their behaviors.

When I was married, I would guilt my wife for eating junk food. That is something I'm not proud to admit. I talk about that over at Love and Abuse.

My other podcast and I tell you this because I think it's important when you come from a place where you did the wrong thing that you should probably end up doing the right thing later.

You should always do the right thing. You should try to do the right thing. But when you do something that is hurtful or harmful, that maybe you should try to make up for that. Maybe you should try to do something different.

I like to look at it as doing the opposite. What I did before, I like to do the opposite of what I did before.

So if I was judge mental in my previous relationships and I have no excuse, I was that person I believed it was the right thing to do because I was dumb.

I was brought up in a way that that's how I coped by trying to change other people.

And so I had to learn and grow and heal and evolve from that into the person I am today, hopefully a better person for people, for my relationships, for myself.

And I have learned so much that I come on the air and share this with you at risk because I know there are people out there that might judge me from my previous judgmental behavior.

And you should, you should be judgmental in certain ways with certain people because if you're judgmental, it allows you to be discerning.

It allows you to ask yourself if this is what you want in your life.

The problem when I was judge mental is I didn't ask if this is what I want in my life or not. I just told myself I better change this person so I'll be happy.

And so I had to learn a lot. I had to heal from that. I had to stop doing that and not just stop but also figure out the emotional triggers that led up to that and why was I wanting to change someone else?

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