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The Bert Show.

We almost gave Abby an anxiety attack 60 seconds ago.

Literally.

I'm sitting here and Bert goes off to who knows where. I'm like, okay, he's floating around getting coffee or whatever. Kristen isn't here. Normally we're all here 10 or 15 minutes before the show. Cassie normally slides in but like I don't necessarily count on you to like come in and be chatty at 6 a.m. And so I'm sitting here and Katie's like, are you ready? I'm'm like, ready for what? And she goes, there's a minute until the show. I'm like, are you freaking

kidding me? And so, Bird's got some kind of weird loser 1970s boomer music playing. I'm like, I gotta turn this off real quick. So I'm running there. I'm turning it off. I'm sitting behind the Mike. I'm like, what am I even going to talk about for five minutes? I don't want to talk to myself for

15 minutes. This is why I joined the show in the freaking first place, because I like to talk to

other people, not myself. Well, first of all, that boomer music you're talking about is right from now. That's what I call music 2000s. I didn't recognize it. And the second thing is, had I known how freaked out you are, I would have absolutely stayed outside and watched you start the show by yourself. I mean, we don't care about ratings anymore, so yeah, it could have been entertaining. Here's something weird that's happened since we stopped caring about ratings. They've gone straight up. Dang it. Dang, we should have been doing this for the last decade. Try easier. What the hell, man.

Can you imagine being one of those DJs or a talk show host that has to talk by himself for four or herself for four, five hours? I couldn't even imagine, man. I can imagine. That was my job before I came here. It was just me sitting in a room. And it was, it's awful. It literally, you feel like you're going insane

because you're in this white room with no walls

and you're going insane

because you're in this white room with no walls and you're just like, I have to talk about Taylor Swift by myself for the 400 times, which you think would be my dream and it's not. Oh, honey, that spa, quote-unquote. Was it padded? Those meds they gave me were really good.

...