When Sex Feels Like a Chore: Reclaiming Pleasure and Connection

Sex With Emily

Health & Fitness, Sexuality

4.2 • 6.7K Ratings

🗓️ 10 June 2025

⏱️ 33 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In this episode of the Sex with Emily podcast, Dr. Emily teams up with Dr. Scott Lyons, a licensed holistic psychologist and trauma expert, to tackle one of the most common relationship challenges: when sex starts feeling like just another item on your to-do list. From exploring why intimacy can lose its spark to practical strategies for reigniting desire, this conversation gets to the heart of what happens when pleasure becomes obligation. We dive deep into the psychology behind sexual disconnection, examining how stress, routine, and unspoken resentments can transform what should be joyful into something that feels burdensome. Dr. Scott shares insights on nervous system regulation and how our bodies respond when we're overwhelmed, while Dr. Emily offers practical advice on communication, scheduling intimacy, and the importance of prioritizing pleasure throughout the week—not just in the bedroom. This episode addresses the reality that many couples face: mismatched libidos, the pressure to perform, and the challenge of maintaining sexual connection amid life's demands. We explore how to shift from duty-based sex to desire-driven intimacy, the role of variety and spontaneity in long-term relationships, and why "priming for pleasure" throughout the week is essential for a fulfilling sex life. Show Notes: 00:00:00 - When Sex Becomes a Chore 03:00:00 - The Psychology of Sexual Obligation06:41:00 - Mismatched Libidos and Relationship Dynamics 08:26:00 - Breaking the Routine: Adding Variety and Play 11:07:00 - Communication vs. Avoidance in Sexual Relationships 15:38:00 - Priming for Pleasure Throughout the Week 18:06:00 - Scheduling Sex: Intentional vs. Spontaneous Intimacy 23:10:00 - From Duty to Desire: Practical Strategies 28:14:00 - Building Anticipation and Connection 30:04:00 - Redefining Sexual Success and Satisfaction Whether you're feeling disconnected from your partner or just want to prevent sex from becoming routine, this episode offers compassionate guidance and actionable strategies for reclaiming the joy and connection that intimate relationships can provide. Join the SmartSX Membership : https://sexwithemily.com/smartsx Access exclusive sex coaching, live expert sessions, community building, and tools to enhance your pleasure and relationships with Dr. Emily Morse. List & Other Sex With Emily Guides: https://sexwithemily.com/guides/ Explore pleasure, deepen connections, and enhance intimacy using these Sex With Emily downloadable guides. SHOP WITH EMILY!:https://bit.ly/3rNSNcZ (free shipping on orders over $99) Want more? Visit the Sex With Emily Website: https://sexwithemily.com/ Let's get social: Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sexwithemily/ X https://twitter.com/sexwithemily Facebook https://www.facebook.com/sexwithemily TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@sexwithemily Threads https://www.threads.net/@sexwithemily Let's text: Sign up here https://sexwithemily.com/text

Transcript

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0:00.0	You've all heard me say there should be a bottle of lube on every nightstand.
0:03.9	I have dreamed of this moment for years.
0:05.7	And now that vision is real.
0:06.8	A bottle that's not just functional, but beautiful.
0:09.5	Something that reflects your worth.
0:11.0	Enter Aria, a luxury silicone-based lubricant that's so much more than glide.
0:16.1	It's about intimacy across every dimension.
0:18.4	This isn't just lube.
0:19.5	It's intentional intimacy bottled. Do you appreciate
0:22.4	design? Because Aria's luxury glass bottle is gorgeous. And trust me, I've seen a lot of lube's.
0:28.5	It's made to be displayed, not hidden. Because your pleasure, it belongs front and center, and beyond beauty,
0:34.4	Aria redefines connection. Each box includes a curated intimacy card with four
0:39.5	beautifully designed prompts based on the four intimacies, verbal, emotional, physical, and spiritual.
0:44.8	So whether you're deepening a relationship or starting something new, ARIA makes intimacy intentional
0:49.9	and beautiful. Head to Arialuxlife.com slash Emily and use code S-W-E-20 for 20% off.
0:56.7	That's A-R-I-A-A-L-U-X-E-E-F-E dot com slash Emily and use code S-W-E-20.
1:03.8	What are you doing in your life?
1:05.9	This week, right now, if you look at your calendar, what are you doing that just for you?
1:10.7	Are you making dinner? Are you making
1:11.5	dinner? Are you going out with friends? Are you walking in nature? Are you getting massage? Are you taking
1:16.3	a class? Like, what do you do? That might be pleasurable for you? And if we just leave,
1:20.6	here's the other problem of sex. Oh, sex is supposed to be pleasurable. It just to be fun.
	...

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