When is it Time to Leave? | Q&A with Dr. Jennifer

Conversations with Dr. Jennifer

Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife

Self-improvement, Education, Mental Health, Sexuality, Health & Fitness

4.4 • 978 Ratings

🗓️ 4 November 2025

⏱️ 57 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

When a marriage feels painful or uncertain, it’s easy to tell ourselves we just need more time to figure out the "right" thing to do. But there’s a difference between taking time to make a wise choice and staying stuck because we’re afraid to face the difficult reality of what we know is true. Real hope invites growth and honesty. False hope keeps us waiting for something to change when there’s strong evidence it never will. In this NEW episode, Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife answers questions from listeners wrestling with whether to stay or leave their marriages. She explores why peace doesn’t come from certainty, but from the courage to act with integrity—choosing what we believe is most right, even when both paths carry loss. _______ Join us for a date night with Dr. Jennifer on November 8th in St. George!

Transcript

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0:00.0	When do I know that it's the right thing? I don't think we ever know that it's the most right
0:05.7	thing. I think we know what our souls can bear. We know what is most meat, right? What is
0:13.1	most right for us to do, which is different than saying everything comes together. There's this
0:19.0	loss on this side and this loss on this side. There is no
0:21.9	obvious right answer. What do I desire? What can I back up? That requires that we take
0:30.1	moral responsibility onto ourselves. It's hard to do it. It's easy to want someone to tell you
0:36.9	the right thing or wait for other people to do the right
0:39.2	thing as opposed to discerning and having the courage to do what you believe is most right.
1:01.0	Welcome to Conversations with Dr. Jennifer, a collection of interviews on the topics of relationships, sexuality, spirituality, and more, all featuring Dr. Finlayson Fife.
1:33.5	Welcome, everybody. I'm glad to be here. I'm sort of glad to be here. I'll tell you, this is a, this is a tough topic. And it's one I tend to avoid a little bit. And let me just sort of talk out loud about why I do because I feel like very often the wrong people hear the wrong message. People hear the message that indulges them rather than the one
1:41.3	that asks them to have more courage.
1:51.6	And so I think I feel afraid if I talk about when it's right to leave a marriage,
1:59.4	that the wrong people grab that as validation to go do something that is ultimately indulgent and non-self-confronting.
2:01.4	On the other hand, a lot of people use the clean up your side of the street idea, which is
2:07.5	important, and I'm going to continue to emphasize the importance of that, because it also gives
2:12.5	you the strength to leave when you need to leave.
2:16.7	But some people use that to kind of not do what in their souls
2:21.5	they know they need to do. That is that they have the idea that if I clean up my side,
2:27.5	then it will get the other person to do what I wish they would do. Choose me, love me, do their part.
2:36.0	And so it's actually a way of not facing some of the harder truths.
2:42.0	So in a way, you're cleaning up but not fully
2:45.0	because you're not dealing more honestly with your situation
	...

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