These are my personal opinions. Always seek a professional when you're making choices about your mental health and well-being.

Welcome to the show. My name is Paul Koliani. If you haven't been listening for a while, probably don't know that.

But it is an Italian name from southern Italy.

The, what is it, the combination of two surnames, Cola, Indiani, just in case you're wondering.

And enough about me, let's go into today's topic, which is an email that I received that goes

something like this.

I met someone a couple

months ago and I asked him out casually since I was planning to move soon anyway. And so, you know,

this person wasn't taking it too seriously. But our first date felt like a 10 out of 10. No butterflies

or anxiety just calm. We've been seeing each other weekly since.

And it's different from anything I've ever experienced.

Usually I feel that spark and then detach when it fades.

But with him there is no spark in the usual sense.

He felt like a best friend from the start.

And I fell in love without even noticing.

But recently, since I realized I loved him, I've started

feeling my familiar fear of rejection. It breaks my heart because what I loved about this was how

calm I felt. I'm an anxious person who grew up craving affection from emotionally unavailable

parents. On our first date, I said things like not caring about commitment, and I didn't think it would

matter anyway because I'm not staying.

I'm unconventional, but I love, love, and it's what I crave most, and I've exhausted

myself searching for it.

...