What to Do When Your Kid Says “I Hate Myself” and How to Build Self-Compassion With Renowned Harvard Psychiatrist Dr. Blaise Aguirre

Raising Good Humans

Voicing Change Media

Education, Kids & Family, Parenting

4.7 • 1.9K Ratings

🗓️ 25 April 2025

⏱️ 61 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In today’s episode I sit down with Dr. Blaise Aguirre, renowned Harvard psychiatrist to explore the roots of self-hatred and how it differs from everyday self-criticism. We unpack how early experiences—often subtle and unintentional—can shape a child’s sense of worth, and what it takes to unlearn those damaging lessons. We talk about how to respond when your child says “I hate myself,” why curiosity matters more than reassurance, and how to help sensitive kids build emotional resilience. Plus: the problem with well-meaning praise, how temperament plays a role, and the metaphor of the “emotional peanut” that every parent should know. I WROTE MY FIRST BOOK! Order your copy of The Five Principles of Parenting: Your Essential Guide to Raising Good Humans Here: https://bit.ly/3rMLMsL Subscribe to my free newsletter for parenting tips delivered straight to your inbox: draliza.substack.com Follow me on Instagram for more: @raisinggoodhumanspodcast Sponsors: Great Wolf Lodge: Learn more at GreatWolf.com Meta: Check out Instagram Teen Accounts Saks.com: SHOP SAKS.COM Vionic: Use code HUMANS at checkout for 15% off your entire order at www.vionicshoes.com when you log into your account. 1 time use only Outschool: That’s outschool.com/HUMANS and use code HUMANS for up to $20 off your child’s first class or tutoring session on Outschool! Ground News: Go to https://groundnews.com/HUMANS to get 40% off the unlimited access Vantage plan–the same plan that I use to stay informed Molly Sud's: For 20% off, go to mollyssuds.com/HUMANS and use code HUMANS at checkout Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcript

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0:00.0	The following podcast is a dear media production.
0:04.5	If, on the other hand, you don't have a sensitive child who says, you know, I'm lazy
0:09.3	and you say, yeah, okay, I mean, with, I tell them, yeah, you are lazy, not get up and go study
0:14.8	because this non-sensitive child is not going to have, me saying that is not an emotional
0:20.5	peanut. To the emotionally sensitive child, me saying that is not an emotional peanut.
0:21.3	To the emotionally sensitive child, me saying you're lazy, if they say they're lazy,
0:25.9	is an emotional peanut and they're going to have a much bigger reaction.
0:32.2	Welcome to Raising Good Humans Podcast.
0:35.6	I'm Dr. Elisa Pressman, developmental psychologist and host. And I'm here today
0:41.5	with Dr. Blaise Aguirre, who is a psychiatrist and author and renowned leader in the field of child
0:50.9	psychiatry. His latest book, I hate myselfelf, Overcoming Self-Hatred and Realize
0:57.9	Why You're Wrong About You, is coming at a really important time. He's a professor of psychiatry
1:04.9	at Harvard Medical School, and he tackles really hard stuff. He's also the medical director at the McLean Hospital,
1:14.6	which is a very important place that serves families with the continuum of care using dialectical
1:21.7	behavioral therapy. He's just incredibly well regarded.
1:27.9	His contributions are immeasurable.
1:30.7	So I'm really thrilled to be able to bring this episode to you.
1:33.8	One of the things that struck me is how he talks about peanut allergies and the metaphor of for those highly sensitive, highly attuned kids and people saying something critical,
1:48.4	making just a quick comment can be like peanut for someone with a peanut allergy. Whereas a kid
1:57.6	who's kind of that dandelion that just sort of moves along, you can make those kind of
2:03.2	flippant comments too. You could tell them to stop being lazy and get going and all the things.
2:09.1	But when you say that to someone for whom there's the equivalent of a peanut allergy, it's going to
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