Now what about this? Since we started recording this episode, Matt Hancock has only gone and fucking resigned, isn't he? Selfish bastard.

So, when you're listening to this, try and imagine that he hadn't.

I think the people of this country have had enough of experts.

If you count the legal votes, I easily wear.

It is time to get Brexit done.

This candle smells like my vagina.

It's supposed to be on the other side of the ocean.

What the fuck is going on?

Hello, I'm Mark Still, and welcome to episode two of my podcast where each week I'm going

to be asking, what the fuck is going on?

What the fuck is going on?

Now, this has been a magnificent effort from Matt Hancock.

He has now achieved almost every one of the reasons that would once have led to you resigning from

public office in disgrace. He's been caught handing out massive contracts to his mates. He's made

promises to test and trace millions of people and managed to test and trace nobody. He's not only

been fucking hopeless, but he's been so fucking hopeless, the Prime Minister called him

completely fucking hopeless. And now he's had an extra marital affair with somebody slipped

onto the payroll. By next week, he'll be revealed as a Russian spy, and that'll make him the

first person in history to achieve the grand slam of resignation issues, a Roger Federer of catastrophe. But somehow,

he's still in his job. Maybe it's like one of these films where someone has to lose a million

pounds in a week to inherit a fortune. And for some reason, he's got to be sacked and he keeps trying

that nothing works.

...