I think the people of this country have had enough of experts.

The science has changed.

If you count the legal votes, I easily wear.

It is time to get it.

This candle smells like my vagina.

It's supposed to be like it's so here.

I should be breaking the school on the other side of the ocean.

What the fuck is going on?

Hello, I'm Mark Steele.

Welcome to my podcast, where each week I ask the question,

what the fuck is going on?

This week, I shed a tear of happiness,

as I'm sure all of you who were properly proud and British did, when the

government said it was bringing back pounds and ounces and points and inches and proper British

measurements, because I am sick of having to use foreign ones. For example, do you know what I found

in my house this week? A centipede. I said, we voted to get

rid of you, you metric traitor. I chucked it on a ferry to Calais and replaced it with an

inchipede. Boris Johnson proved how much he loves his country with this announcement,

because Boris has his finger on the pulse of the common man. That's why he pays £840 for a yard of wallpaper, not a metre, because he's one of us common people.

I bet when he bought his cocaine that he said he'd bought, he was patriotic and asked for a 17th of an ounce, not a gram.

So now we're certain to have a winter to remember that we can all be

proud of because the shelves will be empty, but they'll be empty of pounds of apples, not kilos

...