What Our Desires Reveal with Jay Stringer

The Allender Center Podcast

The Allender Center

Religion & Spirituality, Health & Fitness, Mental Health, Christianity

4.7 • 647 Ratings

🗓️ 1 May 2026

⏱️ 49 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

What if desire isn't something to suppress or fear, but something to honor and steward?

In this two-part conversation, therapist and author Jay Stringer joins Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton Chen to explore that very question through the lens of his new book, "Desire: The Longings Inside Us and the New Science of How We Love, Heal, and Grow."

From the very beginning, it was clear this topic couldn't be contained in a single episode. Dan arrived with 16 pages of notes—so settle in for a deep, expansive conversation that unfolds across the next two weeks.

In Part 1, Jay traces the long personal and clinical journey behind Desire, opening up a deeper question beneath the surface of struggle and behavior: how do we learn to want well?

You'll hear:

Why desire often feels like a "civil war" within us
How your family of origin can shape what you long for (and what you may have denied)
The concept of the "provisional self"—and how it can both help and hinder you
Why some of the patterns you want to escape may actually be clues to deeper healing

Through personal stories, clinical insight, and thoughtful reflection, this conversation invites you to get curious about your desires—not to judge them, but to understand where they come from and where they're leading you.

Be sure to come back next week as Jay re-joins us to explore the disruptive role of desire, the courage it takes to engage it, and how to grow it within the context of community.

In the meantime, you can order your copy of Jay Stringer's newest book, "Desire: The Longings Inside Us and the New Science of How We Love, Heal, and Grow" today: https://jay-stringer.com/books/

About the Allender Center Podcast:
For over a decade, the Allender Center Podcast has offered honest, thoughtful conversations about the deep work of healing and transformation. Hosted by Dr. Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton Chen, MDiv, this weekly podcast explores the complexities of trauma, abuse recovery, story, relationships, and spiritual formation. Through questions submitted by listeners, stories, interviews, and conversations, we engage the deep places of heartache and hope that are rarely addressed so candidly in our culture today. Join the Allender Center Podcast to uncover meaningful perspectives and support for your path to healing and growth.

At the Allender Center, we value thoughtful dialogue across a wide range of voices, stories, and lived experiences. In that spirit, our podcast features guests and hosts who may hold differing perspectives. The perspectives shared on this podcast by guests and hosts reflect their own experiences and viewpoints and do not necessarily represent the views, positions, or endorsements of the Allender Center and/or The Seattle School of Theology & Psychology.

Stream each episode, plus find transcripts, additional resources, and more at:
theallendercenter.org/podcast

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https://theallendercenter.org/2025/11/podcast-support/

If you and your organization would like to partner with the Allender Center Podcast, please reach out to Clay Clayton at cclayton@theallendercenter.org

Transcript

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0:00.0	If you've been doing some personal work, maybe through journaling, therapy, reading, or even listening to this podcast, and yet still feel like there's something missing, you're not alone.
0:14.5	Our stories were never meant to be engaged in isolation.
0:18.6	That's why participating in a story workshop with the Allender Center can be such a
0:23.2	powerful next step. I'm Rachel Clinton Chen, and I want to personally invite you to this unique
0:29.0	in-person experience in Seattle. Over the course of three and a half days, you'll receive live
0:34.8	teaching from Dan Allender, Wendell Moss, and myself, and other Allender Center instructors.
0:41.5	But what makes this workshop truly transformative is the time you'll spend in a story group,
0:47.3	a small, intimate setting, led by a trained facilitator who will walk with you as you engage a part of your story with care and courage.
0:56.0	It's a space marked by compassion, reflection, and healing, a space where deep change becomes
1:02.4	possible. If you're feeling called to take your storywork further and to do it in community,
1:08.6	this might be the next step you've been looking for.
1:11.9	Learn more and register now at the Allandercenter.org slash workshops.
1:17.7	We would love to have you with us. Thank you for listening to the Allender Center podcast. I'm Dr. Dan Allender.
1:42.9	And I'm Rachel Clinton-Cennen. We're fiercely committed to
1:46.0	providing hope and healing to a fragmented world. And restoration for the heart. Thank you for joining us.
1:52.7	Let's get this conversation started.
2:13.0	Rachel, I've never thought that we should do something comparable to the infamous Joe Rogan.
2:19.2	But nonetheless, this happens to be one of those moments where I can just tell you from the freaking beginning, we need hours. And thankfully, we're going to take two hours to do a work
2:30.3	that is one of the most amazing works I've ever had the privilege to read.
2:35.7	So let's introduce our guests.
2:40.0	Jay Stringer, you've been with us before,
2:43.6	the author of the infamous and glorious book, Unwanted.
	...

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