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Try and 11 Melissa. Welcome to the program. Hi, Dr. Rallora. I'm calling. Hi, I'm calling today to get your feedback your wisdom on a situation in our home with my older daughter.

Right now, me and my husband have two different perspectives on the fact that my daughter is in her final year of high school.

She has gotten into the University of her dreams. It is five hours away and where I'm conflicted with my husband is on the fact that he doesn't like the idea that it's that far away.

And also the fact that he doesn't think that fundamentally she has enough maturity to go that distance and be completely on our own from the after living in our home.

And can you wait a second? Can you wait a second? Okay, number one nobody at 18 is.

The tell me right, but it's universal. And that's why half the kids flunk out. But the other half figures it out.

And you have to give her the chance to figure it out to take on the challenge and mature.

They have student groups, they have counseling centers, they have all kinds of access to support and information.

Now, sometimes one parent or the other doesn't want one particular child to be gone because that's kind of a buffer in their marriage.

Do you think he could have anything like that in his head, your husband?

What personal need of his might be what personal need of his could be responsible for that point of view.

I think that's amazing that you brought that up. So I do think me and my marriage with my husband is not strong at all. We have a lot of disagreements.

We don't see either I had many things. And so she does sort of because she's the oldest, she does do her best to kind of provide a more neutral role between us, not necessarily dealing with our issues amongst each other or facilitating.

And so I think that's the kind of a listening ear to him when he drives her to work or when he brings her back, you know, things like that, which I mean him don't have opportunities to do.

So I think I never thought of it that way, but that could be one thing that I can connect to what you said.

Which means you have to make sure she goes away to school. You have to save her.

She cannot be a surrogate wife therapist to her dad.

And that's where I was conflicted because we had very different up earnings. I came from more of a sheltered house and I had to get on formation and figure it out to kind of mature up and had to learn through my mistakes.

He was always responsible from the get go because his parents were divorced and independent. And he's a high school.

Don't argue with that way. Don't argue with that way with him. Just say she's going away to school because it's the best thing for her.

And perhaps you can use that time to talk to me.

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