Hi, you're listening to Small Things Often from the Gottman Institute, where we talk you through

research-based tips to help improve your relationships in five minutes or less.

Today's tip is about knowing what bids for connection look like. A bid is an attempt that a person

makes to connect with someone. Bids may be feelings, observations, opinions, or invitations. It could be

verbal or nonverbal, physical, sexual, intellectual, humorous, serious, or in the form of a question

or statement. These all qualify as a bid for connection. But some bids aren't obvious. So it's

important to know your bids. If you're able to recognize them, you'll be able to respond to your partner's bids in healthy ways and create a healthy pattern of interactions in your relationship. So let's go through the different kinds of bits. Some verbal bids might be a little more recognizable. It could sound like, hey, do you want to go get drinks

sometime this week? Or something like, could you ask your friends if they know a good auto mechanic?

It could even be a statement like, that dog is cute. Now, these next bids can also be subtle

because they're nonverbal. It could be affectionate touching, even a high five counts, or something a little more intimate, like a hug or a kiss. Sure, these things are kind and sweet, but it could mean more than that. It could be an attempt to connect. Another nonverbal bid could be a facial expression like a smile or blowing a kiss, or more playful like sticking out your tongue.

There's also playful touching such as tickling or dancing and affiliating gestures like

opening a door, offering a place to sit, or handing over a utensil. Yep, even passing a fork.

And then there's vocalizing bids without actually being verbal.

That means laughing, sighing, or well-timed, mm-hmm,

in a way that invites interaction or interest.

No matter what the bid looks like,

it's important to recognize that an attempt to connect is being made.

It may not be glaringly obvious,

so be tuned into the ways in which your partner or loved one may be bidding for connection. So here's today's small thing. Lean into the interactions with your

loved ones. Is a hug just a hug? Or is your partner really trying to connect? Be open to

receiving their bid for connection. Tune into the next episode of Small Things Often for another quick tip from the Gottman

Institute, helping you maintain and strengthen all of your relationships.

...