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Hello, welcome to emotional bad ass where Moxie meets mindful. I'm Nikki Eisenhower, your host, life coach and psychotherapist. And on today's episode,

I'm demystifying detachment as a tool when we have an insecure attachment style.

So in this episode, I'm going to share a little bit about my own attachment style and this idea of detachment as a tool. I think that can get

really confusing when we're trying to heal from an attachment wound and then learn that detachment is a good tool for letting go and for finding peace.

I think a lot about a lady that I'll call Lori. She was in one of my early residential treatment program groups for dual diagnosis trauma and addiction. She was teeny tiny. I'm a little person and she felt like she was half my size and she was fierce.

And one day in group, she huffed and puffed and threw her book in notebook down on the ground in total disgust and frustration. And she fussed at me. She said, Nicky, dammit, you're telling me to go left and right at the same time.

You're speaking in opposites. How am I supposed to figure out what the hell to do? And she wasn't wrong.

Healing can feel and consume like we're trying to go left and right at the same time. And we can't go left and right at the same time.

It can sound that way when I'm talking about some of these concepts about what it takes to heal. Maybe sometimes to you, it sounds like I'm talking out of both sides of my mouth.

It's not that I'm ever meaning to go into opposing directions at once, but it's about learning to notice our extremes and work to get to the middle to a medium ground to get more central centered and grounded so that we can respond to things instead of react to things.

To be walking a healing path, to be walking a self-development path, where we grow ourselves.

We are balancing all the forces of this life all at the same time. And hopefully we're adding to our wisdom bank.

And that each experience, the hard experiences, the easy experiences and everything in between, are showing us things about ourselves and life and are growing us.

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