What?

I'm an idiot, aren't I?

Moments have you experienced?

Someone told me their birthday was on Friday the 13th this year.

After acknowledging how much that would suck,

I found a long list online of every upcoming Friday the 13th

for the next several decades to check that it would never happen to me.

I made it 50 years down the list before I realized a slight pattern, and that my birthday won't ever not be on the 18th.

Although, interesting fact, because of the day the Gregorian calendar started,

the 13th falls on a Friday more often than any other day.

Once I wanted to test my voicemail,

so I used my house phone to dial my cell, and when my phone rang, I actually answered it

expecting someone to be on the other line. I used a leaf blower on an ant hill. I thought

it would be an easy way to get rid of it. I did not

consider how terrifying flying ants are. I once painted myself into a corner while painting the

basement floor. I had to crawl out the basement window, and there are still footprints down there

to remind me of my goma moment. On multiple occasions, I've managed

to successfully leave my keys in the lock in the car. I have no idea how my car has not been

stolen yet. Went through a drive-thru, ordered, paid, thanked them, and then bolted before they

even had a chance to hand

me my food.

Didn't realize my abject stupidity until about ten minutes later when I reached for a fry

...