What Healthy Intimacy Actually Looks Like (& How To Built It)
Seeing Other People
Ilana Dunn
4.5 • 608 Ratings
🗓️ 4 November 2025
⏱️ 62 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Most of us never learned how to talk about sex—so we assume everyone else just figured it out. Sex therapist Vanessa Marin and her husband Xander Marin join me to talk about what really makes intimacy last, why communication in the bedroom matters more than chemistry, and how to start conversations about sex before it becomes a problem. We dive into the myths that make us feel broken, how to keep desire alive when life gets busy, and the simple daily rituals that help you reconnect with your partner in 36 seconds flat. If you’ve ever felt awkward bringing up what you want—or wondered why your sex life doesn’t “just work”—this one will change the way you think about connection, desire, and real intimacy.
Get $10 off your Nutrafol subscription at nutrafol.com promo code SEEINGOTHERPEOPLE
Stock up on the best elevated essentials + get free shipping & 365 day returns at Quince.com/seeingotherpeople
Get 25% Off @CowboyColostrum with code SEEINGOTHERPEOPLE at www.cowboycolostrum.com. #CowboyColostrumPod
Your mental health matters. Head to rula.com/seeingotherpeople to connect with a licensed therapist who truly cares
Start your guilt-free journey with the Good Habit. Use code SEEINGOTHERPEOPLE to get a free gift with purchase at tryfum.com/SEEINGOTHERPEOPLE.
If you’re thinking about pregnancy or already on that journey, don’t settle for less than evidence-based support. My listeners get early access to Ritual’s Black Friday sale — 40% off your first month at Ritual.com/SEEINGOTHERPEOPLE
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Transcript
Click on a timestamp to play from that location
| 0:00.0 | Okay, guys, I have been looking forward to this episode ever since the second I knew it was going to happen. |
| 0:08.7 | I am so honored to have Vanessa and Zander here on the podcast. |
| 0:13.1 | I, guys, I'm so excited. |
| 0:14.3 | I've been following you guys for years. |
| 0:15.9 | And I just so appreciate and admire how you've taken something that's usually a taboo topic to talk about |
| 0:23.4 | and made it so approachable, made it realistic, and made it almost like friendly and fun. So Vanessa |
| 0:31.1 | and Zander, welcome to seeing other people. Thanks so much for having us. It feels really |
| 0:35.9 | great to hear that. And I'm glad our intention is coming across. Yeah, yeah. Great to hear that description because that really, that's really what we go for. You definitely succeed. But obviously, the one place I do want to begin is like, how? I know, Vanessa, you've been a sex therapist for over 20 years. And did you, like, |
| 0:57.3 | Zander, how did this happen where you're in the content? Like, I don't know if you, like, |
| 1:01.8 | aspired to be in content about sex and relationships growing up. Probably not. But how did |
| 1:08.5 | you guys start creating all this content? And what was your like |
| 1:12.9 | mission from the start? Yeah, I absolutely did not intend to be here. I never, I never imagined |
| 1:19.5 | it. The interesting thing, though, is that one of the big reasons I'm here is because we made |
| 1:25.4 | every single mistake that there was out there early in our relationship |
| 1:29.6 | when it came to how to talk about or how not to talk about our sex life and our relationship |
| 1:36.0 | and all of that stuff. And so, you know, the reason that I'm here now is because we went through |
| 1:42.1 | all of our own struggles. And we did struggle for a while. |
| 1:45.8 | We were in and out of therapy. We tried a lot of different things with each other. Some |
| 1:50.3 | work. Some didn't work. But eventually we kind of figure things out to the point where I really |
| 1:55.9 | finally was comfortable with my sexuality, with talking about sex. It took a really long time and there |
| 2:02.1 | weren't any good tools or resources out there. And so we just created all the stuff that we |
| 2:07.6 | wish that someone had just sat us down early on in our relationship and been like, look, do these |
... |
Please login to see the full transcript.
Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from Ilana Dunn, and are the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Tapesearch.
Generated transcripts are the property of Ilana Dunn and are distributed freely under the Fair Use doctrine. Transcripts generated by Tapesearch are not guaranteed to be accurate.
Copyright © Tapesearch 2026.