What happened when you ignored the don't try this at home, warning? When I was about 10,

I folded myself into the sleeper sofa with the help of my cousin. Here's why this is an

incredibly bad idea. You can't breathe, you can't move. You can shout for help, but your

cries for it will travel at the best five feet because your mouth is

smothered by a mattress. The spring mechanism in combination with your weight will make it nearly

impossible for someone to pull the mattress back out unless they're very strong or your very

light. My cousin had to run upstairs to get a grown-up to flip the sofa on its side so I could

roll out. If I did

this stunt while I was by myself, I probably would have suffocated very quickly. Do you remember

lawn darts? My group of friends made our own rules. Two teams, one in the front yard, one in the

back. One member of each team on the side lawn from where you could see

both teams at the same time. We only had one dart, we'd lost the others in a game of Woods

darts, the goal was to rifle that one freaking dart over the house, and make a member of the other

team, rightfully afraid for their life, move out of the way of said dart, and one point if you

made them move. Minus one point if you made them move.

Minus one point if it landed within arm's reach and they didn't move. The game lasted until

someone's parents came home and were horrified when they saw what we were doing. Ah, the 80s were a

simpler, bloodier time. Me and my friend decided to golf off of each other when we were about 14. The initial

idea was to drive off the tea that was in our mouth, but then common sense kicked in and we

decided against it. But still wanting to go through with something, we decided to do it with our

butt cheeks. I went first as the hitter, and it went way better than I expected. I lined that

crap up and drove it as far as I could while still caring for my friend's buttocks safety.

...