Hi, you're listening to Small Things Often from the Gottman Institute, where we talk you through

research-based tips to help improve your relationships in five minutes or less. Today's tip is about

building love maps. You think you know your partner, but do you really? You probably know their

basic likes and dislikes, what they want in a partner, what makes them happy. But do you really? You probably know their basic likes and dislikes, what they want in a partner,

what makes them happy. But do you know who your partner's best friend was when they were 12?

What about their first crush? How did your partner learn to ride a bike? Were they a natural,

or did they struggle with the whole balance part and have the battle scars to prove it?

Having these conversations and getting answers to these questions is a part of building love

maps. Think of it this way. When you choose to spend your life with someone, you're handing them

a map to your inner world. Your inner world is, of course, complex.

You have memories of your past, details of your present, and hopes for the future.

It includes your deepest fears and your grandest dreams.

All of these things are part of your love map.

But remember, it's a pencil sketch.

It's your job to intentionally add details to it with your partner.

The map needs scale, direction, landmarks, texture, color, and everything in between.

A detailed love map brings perspective to the twists and turns that inevitably come up in a partnership.

A fun way to do this is to dig into your partner's archives, to figure out who they were growing up, and how it shaped them into the person they are

today, and influenced what they want in the future. But don't just stop there. It's also equally

important to keep your love maps active and up to date. Relationships and people evolve.

And what you think you want, your likes and dislikes, your fears may change. Make adding new bits and

pieces to your love maps a priority over the lifetime of your relationship. Rome wasn't built

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