In the last two weeks, I have had seven direct messages from people, specifically women,

asking me why men continue to break up with them and then come back

and break up with them and then come back. We're going to read you off one of these and then we're

going to dive into this, okay? Hi, Connor. I have been a huge fan and listener of your podcast for a really

long time. You've helped me to understand a lot and change my own behaviors.

Great. Glad to hear the podcast is helping. I do have a question for you, though. I am with someone

who I think is kind, empathetic, caring, compassionate, et cetera. I love him and he loves me,

but he keeps breaking up with me. And then coming back, he did this two days ago, stating that he wanted to save me from him because he feels like he lacks direction and has issues with shame.

The next day, he was able to say, I don't want to break up and I do love you.

I'm not sure what to do anymore.

I like this man. I like this man.

I love this man.

And I think he's incredible, but he keeps pulling the plug on a relationship. And I'm happy to stay with and be in his partner, but I need him to do the work. I'm starting to wonder if I'm weak for taking him back. Can you provide any insight? Yes, I can. I have gotten other messages like this over the last week reaching out my boyfriend, now an X of Sunday, has broken up with me three times in the last six

months. Okay, so this is a very common thing. And I get to ask this question all the time. Why do

men continually break up with me and then come back and break up with me

and come back? Is it a me thing? Is it a them thing? So I sat with this for a little while and

thought about all the reasons in the past why I've done this, why friends have done this,

why clients that I've worked with have done this, the men that I've worked with, why we

as men generally do this? And there's no one reason, okay? This is the interesting thing that I

find about a lot of the questions that I get about men is that a lot of women are looking for

a very simple reason because there's a expectation, there's this like ridiculous story

that men are somehow these Neanderthal simple creatures.

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