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The Bert Show

We're Convinced This Man Is The WORST At Dating

The Bert Show

The Bert Show

News, Comedy, Entertainment News, Society & Culture

4.14.4K Ratings

🗓️ 6 December 2023

⏱️ 9 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

He has over 1 million swipes on Tinder. How many matches and dates do you think he’s had? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Everything is fuel for your creativity with the L'Anovo Yoga Laptop series.

0:04.3

From the people you meet to the creators you follow, it all comes together with Lanova Yoga.

0:09.2

Plus, you get a 50 pound travel voucher and a shot at winning an awesome trip to New York and a Motorola

0:14.6

razor 40 Ultra. Check out the L'Novo Yoga series with laptops made for creatives at

0:19.8

Lenovo.com slash yoga. Limited time only terms and conditions apply.

0:23.9

Engineered to do it all. That's a laptop evolved with Intel Evo Platform.

0:27.8

The D.M.'s didn't make any sense to me yesterday because I wasn't here.

0:34.1

People saying hey be sure to check out Kristen and make sure her ass is okay tomorrow.

0:39.2

I'm like what in the hell is happening?

0:40.8

I so y'all might remember on Monday I told you guys I went to the

0:44.4

bathroom with a sharpie and did something I had never done before.

0:47.2

Nobody could guess it, understandably so. But I had a bug bite on my left cheek in the meat of it man right in the middle of the meat of it and it was I didn't realize how big of a bug bite it was. It was just like a little red dot. It was like

1:04.7

had this massive bruise and it was just, I'm not kidding, it was like this big. It was like the size of a, what is that?

1:11.5

Baseball? Yeah, size of a baseball, is that? Baseball?

1:13.0

Yeah, size of a baseball, all my ass.

1:15.0

So I went in the bathroom and took a sharpie and marked the outer edges of it

1:18.0

to make sure it wouldn't spread, because if it was spreading,

1:21.0

we got major issues, I'm going to go to the ER right

1:23.2

that's close to your butt hole too man to start spreading yeah I know so

1:28.0

yesterday I got consent and I asked if y'all wanted to see I did I go I go do you want to see my butt

1:37.4

Consent is a stretch yes I asked y'all want to see my butt and everybody said sure and I showed them my butt and everybody was in agreement like wow that's that's pretty gnarly and then of course you know

1:47.6

Mrs. Emory over here is like it could be no crotous.

...

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