It's good to talk about dad sometimes and like to feel sad about it. I don't do it enough. Yeah

Also, I can't believe it's been seven years. I know. I know I still will say to people like oh my dad died a few years ago

Yeah, like it doesn't register to me as seven it feels

Still somehow like more recent of that. Yeah. I've been in a really weird place since my dad died and my dad died seven years ago

So I've been here for a while. I've been doing what so many of us do when we lose a big

primary relationship. I've been excavating it examining it trying to make sense of it trying to make sure that it mattered that

I mattered that I'm seeing things clearly that I'm seeing a relationship

clearly but it's just so hard because when one person is dead the relationship becomes a bit one-sided

Your vision is obscured by all of your own biases by your commitment to your version of the truth to your side of the story

It's hardly fair and a part of me also feels a little pathetic

I'm an adult. I have my own children. I've been in therapy for what feels like a hundred years and yet

I am still untangling not just what my dad meant to me, but what I meant to my dad. I'm one of four children and one of the benefits of having siblings is having witnesses

We all experienced our childhoods and our father differently, but in all of those angles there's something

There's a fact check. There's a gut check. There's a validation of some things if not of others

You knew dad longer than I did

Eight years longer eight years longer eight years longer you were his first child

What kind of a dad was dad to you? Oh?

Oh, um

That's me and my big sister Megan. I know we sound a lot alike and this is me talking with my big brother and Megan's little brother Austin

Okay, so growing up for you what kind of a dad was dad?

Oh man

Absent as supposed is the

...