The holidays can do it. The holidays can bring out the worst of us, and sometimes the best of us, and when the worst of us comes out, we can hurt people we love, and we don't want to do that.

It could be financial, it could be that dysfunctional relative that comes over.

It just happens, we get stressed, and this could be a one-off thing, or it could be something pervasive going on in the relationship that might need to be addressed.

That's why I created the Healed Being program over at HealedBeing.com. Maybe it's a normal relationship issue, or maybe someone continues to do behaviors that hurt the other person, and that's how I help.

I help the emotionally abusive person change. Head over to HealedBeing.com if that sounds like something you want to check out.

Life presents the toughest challenges. Every day you are faced with decisions that test your ability to express who you really want to be in this world.

We're told to keep saying affirmations and keep thinking positively, but what do you do when that stuff doesn't work?

Welcome to the Overwhelmed Brain, where you'll learn to make decisions that are right for you so that you can create the life you want now.

Hello, this is Paul Coliani, and I want to help you learn the skills you need to do with life's challenges using emotional intelligence and critical thinking without compromising who you are.

This show consists of my personal opinions and is meant for informational purposes only. Always seek a professional for your mental health and well-being.

Welcome to the show. I've been doing this a good nine years now. I just realized that. Nine years I've been here, and I heard from somebody the other day that said I've been listening to your show since 2013.

While the show has gone through its transformations, just like I hope anyone that's been listening a while has gone through any type of transformation and hopefully a positive one.

Sometimes the negative ones are good too. I've gone through negative transformations where I got worse, I got worse mentally, emotionally over the years, and I don't mean just getting sad or angry.

Just mean my behaviors. Like at the beginning of this episode I talked about healed being I went through some transformations in my life because I took these old coping mechanisms and survived mechanisms from childhood brought them into my adult relationships and I expected everything to work out perfectly.

Everything is going to be smooth because I know how life works and I believed I knew how life worked and that's why I ruined so many relationships, so many good romantic relationships.

I even ruined friendships too because I was a people pleaser and I just let people take advantage of me and they didn't even know they were doing it. I just allowed it to happen.

And I didn't understand what was happening. I just thought, why can't they see that I'm frustrated or annoyed? Why can't they see that I really meant no when I said yes?

What obvious signs do I have to show them? I've got my hand on the back of my neck and I'm saying, yeah, yeah, I'll help. No problem.

If they read my mind, can't they see my body language, can't they hear the inflection in my voice, can't they get the message that I really don't want to do it?

And then because they're a good friend or someone I love, my family, however, because they know me so well, they should be able to figure this stuff out.

They should be able to look at me or hear me and tell that I really don't want to do something or I'm really not being congruent, meaning my words don't match my body language or my intentions seem to be different than what I'm saying.

So why can't they see that and say it doesn't really look like you want to do this? Some people have some people have that acute observation ability and a lot of people don't because you know they're just doing their thing and they trust the person they're with to tell them the truth.

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