This episode is Part 1 of Anne's interview with Vicki.
Part 1: Walking After 30 Years of Narcissistic Abuse (this episode)
Part 2: This is How You Know It's Time To Leave
Part 3: My Emotions in the Aftermath of Abuse
Grief. Fear. Anger. Loneliness. Resolve to "be enough" so that he'll change.

The spectrum of emotions that victims of covert abuse experience over decades of cruelty is almost impossible to describe to someone who hasn't experienced it. Vicki shares her story poignantly in this vulnerable unfolding of her painful journey of 30 years of abuse on The BTR.ORG Podcast.

Vicki's story, like many others, begins with the deceptive allure of Prince Charming that soon morphs into a domestic climate where walking on eggshells becomes the norm. Tune in to the podcast and read the full transcript below for more.




Are you in a multi-decade long relationship with an abuser?
Many victims find BTR.ORG after years, even decades of abuse. Some experience deep feelings of shame and self-loathing for "staying so long".

At BTR, we understand the complexities of relationships, of identifying abuse, and how difficult it can be to make the decision to leave once you do identify abusive behavior.

Initially dismissing her husband's alarming behavior as the byproduct of external hardships, it was also very difficult for Vicki to identify that she was experiencing abuse.
You are safe here.
You will never experience judgment or pressure here at BTR. We understand that each situation is unique and each individual knows her own situation best.

Consider attending a BTR.ORG Group Session today - a safe community where you can process your experiences is often a good place to start your healing journey.













Full Transcript:
Anne (00:01):
Welcome to BTR.ORG. This is Anne. Today we have a member of our community on today's episode. We are going to call her Vicki. She is going to be sharing her personal experience and what she has been through. So welcome, Vicki.

Vicki (01:38):
Hi. It's great to be here.

Anne (01:41):
I don't know if great to be here. Is <laugh> the exact right way to put it, right?

Vicki (01:47):
Well, if it's gonna help anybody, then yes.
Did you recognize your husband's abusive behaviors?
Anne (01:50):
Yes, yes. What you've been through is terrible. But a lot of victims who come on the podcast to share their experience, find it as like a step on their journey to peace in that they're able to like really share their story with a community of women who get it and that can benefit from it. So we're really grateful for you taking the time to share today. So let's start at the beginning of your story. Did you recognize your husband's abusive behaviors?

Vicki (02:24):
At first, no. I mean, of course at first he was Prince Charming, you know, so there wasn't anything to notice at first. But then very shortly after we were married, I started noticing things that I was like, Hmm, I've never seen that before. Where did that come from? But this went on for months and years, without me being able to say, wait a minute, that's not okay. That's totally abusive. So definitely did not recognize it.
Finding ways to live with "strange" (abusive) behavior
Anne (02:58):
How did you define these? I'll just put in quotes,