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Weird Darkness: Paranormal & True Crime Stories

WAIT... I'M... AUTISTIC? | Something Curious I Might've Learned About Myself Last Night.

Weird Darkness: Paranormal & True Crime Stories

Darren Marlar

History, True Crime, Society & Culture, Documentary

4.64.1K Ratings

🗓️ 3 January 2026

⏱️ 9 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

After taking an online personality assessment, I discovered I exhibit very high traits associated with autism — not a formal diagnosis, but an explanation for patterns I've lived with my entire life. The results helped make sense of why I thrive during structured performances like stand-up comedy, stage acting, radio broadcasting, and podcasting, yet feel completely drained by unstructured social interaction afterward. I recount how remote broadcasts and convention appearances left me counting the minutes until I could escape to solitude, and how my favorite parts of traveling in the Weird Darkness Beast were always the quiet hours alone on the road or in hotel rooms — not the events themselves.The assessment also shed light on smaller quirks, like my tendency to let my beard grow wild before trimming it all at once (efficiency over daily maintenance), and deeper emotional patterns, like processing my father's death without tears or visible sadness. A medical professional once reassured me that being naturally stoic is simply a different way of experiencing life, not a sign that something is missing.I reflect on my earlier depression diagnosis and wonder whether some of what was treated might have been the cumulative effect of decades spent not understanding how my own brain operates. Ultimately, the experience gave me context rather than a label — a quiet recognition of why certain things drain me and others restore me. I encourage you to examine your own patterns and see if perhaps you can learn something new about yourself - or explain some of your own personality quirks.

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Hey, weirdos, I want to share something that caught me off guard, not because it changed who I am,

0:05.5

but because it helped me explain who I've always been.

0:09.7

Recently, I took an online personality quiz after hearing somebody on a podcast describe how they

0:14.8

experienced the world, and as they talked, I had one of those quiet moments of recognition,

0:20.2

not dramatic, not emotional,

0:21.9

just a steady thought of, yeah, that sounds familiar.

0:27.4

The results suggested I have very strong traits commonly associated with autism, not a diagnosis,

0:34.0

just tendencies.

0:35.0

I want to be clear about that, too.

0:37.0

This was not a medical evaluation. I'm

0:39.1

suddenly adopting a new label. Hey, I'm autistic. Treat me differently. What mattered was not the

0:45.4

category. It was the explanations. A lot of long-standing patterns in my life suddenly made

0:52.3

sense. For example, I've always loved performing. I know, big

0:56.5

surprise. I've done stand-up comedy. I've been a stage actor in plays and musicals. I've

1:01.9

been a singer and songwriter performing in front of audiences. I've also worked in broadcasting,

1:07.1

stepping into a radio job back in 1990 1990 and still somehow being in the industry all

1:12.5

these years later.

1:14.1

You add podcasting and narration to that list, there's a clear theme.

1:18.5

You give me a microphone or a role to play, and I'm comfortable, focused, energized.

1:25.5

But when the performance ends, I'm done. I don't want to linger. I don't want

1:30.8

small talk. I don't want extended interaction. I want quiet. I want to leave. For a long time,

1:38.7

that felt contradictory. Loving audiences, but not socializing with audiences, until I realized it's really not, it's

...

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