We are Ken Jennings and John Roderick.

We are receiving this message.

We are Ken Jennings and John Roderick. We speak to you from our present, which we can only assume is your distant past, the turbulent time that was the early 21st century.

Fearing the great cataclysm that will surely befall our civilization, we began this monumental

reference of strange and obscure human knowledge.

These recordings represent our attempt to compile and preserve wonders and esoterica that would otherwise be lost.

So whether you're listening from an advanced civilization or have just reinvented the technology to decrypt our transmissions,

this is our legacy to you. This is our time capsule. This is the omnibus. Okay. You have accessed entry 1403.

J. M.03.03.

2.1362.

Vortex 1.1.1.

Vortex 1. We're just about ready to continue with the rock and roll.

Vortex one, it sounds like this is a new ad we're doing for a toilet bidet attachment.

Ken, how does Vortex 1 work?

Well, are you still using toilet paper, John?

No, Vortex 1 is not a kitchen small appliance, it's not a jacuzzi.

It does have a very 70 sound.

Like, yeah, we just bought the new Vortex One, but it's not clear whether it's a personal

computer, the size of a suitcase, or whether it's a hot tub? It's like a small

Pontiac. Does it yeah does it makes yogurt smoothies? Well it also sounds like a

billionaire space race entry like some lesser billionaire.

Yeah, like a Macaw or somebody tried to get into the space race.

...